Help, my son is lying to me, what should I do?

Have 1000 questions about parenting? About the couple? On your relationship with your in-laws? Are you wondering how to overcome the injunctions that society imposes on you? La Daronne is listening and, I promise, her answers aren’t too off the mark.

Daronne’s question

Dear Daronne,

My 7 year old lies to me so much and I don’t know what to do. The other day he came home from school with the toys in his pocket, telling me they were given to him, but the next day a furious mother came to tell me that my son had stolen the toys from some other child.

If only that… But no! The other day his teacher called in sick and I had to run out of the office to pick him up from school. But when we got home, he was in great shape! He had simply tricked the teacher and me into skipping school in the afternoon.

And these two examples are just a small glimpse of my reality…

And I admit that in the end I no longer know when to believe him or not, I even come to doubt when he is really sick. I’m afraid that one day he’ll tell me about a dangerous event for him and that I won’t pay attention to it.

What do you think I can do?

THANK YOU !

Sonya

Daronne’s response

My dear Sonia,

They are really smart, these children, and of course always before!

Your child is lying to you and it’s annoying. Because just like Peter in Prokofiev’s story, by crying wolf, no one will believe him anymore!

However, I would like to tell you one thing to begin with: your child lies, and this is perfectly normal and healthy! This is part of his development and shouldn’t worry you too much.

First thing: don’t call your child a liar

Before advising you what to do, I prefer to tell you what you absolutely shouldn’t do!

First of all, you absolutely should not call your child a liar. This could have serious psychological consequences on your child and their self-image, and even push them to lie more.

Also, don’t try to show him that you understand that he is lying, for example by trying to “corner him”, this could panic him and push him to lie even more.

Try talking about it clearly with your child

Maybe you’ve already experienced this, but if not, try talking about it openly and clearly with your child. Explain to him that you know he regularly tells you nonsense, that lying is not okay. Explain to him the importance of honesty. Use stories like Peter and the Wolf (there are probably many books about lying and honesty in any good bookstore) to explain to him that lying is not a good habit.

Try to understand what drives him to lie. As we can imagine, he must prefer spending the afternoon with you rather than at school… Unfortunately this is not possible, and using a little subterfuge to defraud his lover is not a good idea!

Reach out to the right people

If that doesn’t work, turn to other people who may have an important voice in your child’s life: his lover? Your grandmother? A person he particularly likes?

If you notice that this little discussion with your child has led to nothing, and that he continues with his little lies, and that it is taking too big a turn, contact the caregiver who takes care of him, perhaps she can point you to a good specialist (psychologist for example) who can direct you and perhaps see your child to try to understand this behavior.

Don’t forget, though, that lying is completely normal for a child’s development. What becomes annoying is when this is too recurrent and creates situations of this type too often…

Until then, I wish you good luck!

I kiss you,

Your Daronne