La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice, covered with a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to help a reader!
The question for Daronne
Dear Daronne,
My husband and I have been together for 15 years. We have 3 children aged 9, 7 and 3. We both have roles of responsibility in companies where we worked for 6 years for me, and for 8 years for him.
Here’s my problem: I had some kind of realization at the beginning of the school year, when our youngest child started school and it gave us a new budget (and yes, no more at-home nanny costing us a salary … ), in particular, doing things as a couple, spending time together. I noticed, one evening, at the restaurant, that we talked a lot, a lot about our children. It’s normal, that’s for sure, because we are parents of three young children. But is it normal to only talk about this? I have the feeling that we really lack topics for conversation, and that all this is driving us apart… I also felt uncomfortable during a break, it had never happened to me before. Oh yeah, and we don’t talk about our respective jobs anymore since I had a breakdown after our third arrived, we decided to leave work behind the door before going home in the evening.
So there you have it, I’m taking your advice, because I love my husband but it makes me a little desperate to see that in the end we don’t have much to talk about…
THANK YOU !
Astrid
Daronne’s response
My little Astrid,
You are currently faced with a reality that many couples know and share: children arrive and, often, the couple takes a back seat, leaving very little time to enjoy quality time together. That doesn’t mean everything is set in stone!
Communication, communication, communication
My first question is: have you talked to your husband about this? It seems to me that this is the first thing to do before considering anything. Maybe he feels the same way and talking about it could lead to solutions. Perhaps, on the contrary, he does not have this impression. And it could also mean something else… In any case, nothing can work without communication, and a good open discussion often allows us to defuse things and sometimes solve problems that initially seemed immense to us, and which in reality are not then a lot. .
In any case, it seems that this situation weighs heavily on you, and the fact that you specify that a white person made you uncomfortable, if it wasn’t like that before, perhaps hides something else. Hence the importance of discussing it!
That said, after you talk to your husband, here are some ideas to help you find topics to discuss.
Find common interests
If this isn’t already the case, find a common passion, which obviously isn’t related to children. Do a sport together? Go see stand-up comedy? Take cooking lessons? In fact, there is a topic that unites you, which perhaps fascinates you both but to which until now you have not had the necessary time to dedicate. Now, as you say so well, you have an extra budget, which means you can afford a babysitter every now and then to free up that time together!
The “we don’t talk about children” rule.
Another option, which can be fun: Establish the fact that you are not allowed to discuss child-related topics when you go out to dinner. It’s a bit like “no phones” at the dinner table. This will force both of you to double your imagination to find other topics of conversation.
Readjust the rules already in force
Of course, I understand that you don’t want to talk about your professional life, but isn’t it time to question this very rule? Naturally adapting the rules, talking about it, but not too much, or forcing yourself to talk only about the positive, leaving aside all the negative that could make both of you anxious? Perhaps this could also be the starting point for other topics of discussion between you…
Whatever happens, don’t despair, I’m sure you’ll find a solution, but remember the first rule, which applies to almost everything: talk about it. It will make your questions a little less burdensome and you will feel less alone, and above all it is the first step towards finding a solution!
The kiss,
Your daughter
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Source: Madmoizelle
Mary Crossley is an author at “The Fashion Vibes”. She is a seasoned journalist who is dedicated to delivering the latest news to her readers. With a keen sense of what’s important, Mary covers a wide range of topics, from politics to lifestyle and everything in between.