“Demure”: A New TikTok Trend That’s Problematic for Feminism?

For several weeks now, we have only heard about this trend. Tiktokers from all over the world are following the dynamic launched by Jools Lebron on August 2 and are posting their own videos in which they proudly state that they are “Very private, very attentive.” Today, there are exactly 275,000 videos published in question. Joe Biden himself has put himself in the game. But what does this mean?

“Demure” is an English word that means “modest”, “reserved”, “shy” or even show “decency”. Being “very modest” is therefore embodied in the attitude as well as in the appearance. From a fashion perspective, the “Demure” aesthetic is similar to the “Quiet Luxury”. From a beauty perspective, it would shine through “Clean girl aesthetics”. “Demure” is therefore synonymous with minimalism and discreet elegance. But if the content creator seems to know exactly what he means by “living”, many Internet users remain lost. In another TikTok, he explains in detail:

Being mature, “I don’t do too much. I just do enough. I’m not in the basement. I’m not the attic. I’m where you live. I’m very wise.”

TikTok @joolieannie

A trend that plays on the oppressive norms imposed on women and inherited from the patriarchy

One might think that this is yet another injunction imposed on women by a patriarchal society, which is regressive and detrimental to their freedoms. But the trend should not be taken as gospel… far from it. On the contrary, it is on a satirical tone that we must consider: in reality, Jools Lebron shows all the absurdity and unrealism of the norms and standards imposed on the fairer sex, whose respect is expected even in the most banal situations that do not necessarily require moderation.

It thus offers us a complete guide on how to be “remain” in all everyday situations, from the most harmless to the most unlikely, making these standards ridiculous at will. To its 1.7 million subscribers, it explains “how to walk in the airport the right way”, “How to restart a Cirque du Soleil show in a lasting way”, “how to apply deodorant the right way” etc.

Madison Werner, a content creator specializing in beauty and trans rights advocacy, explains that the “prudish” trend is:

a comical critique that, according to long-held patriarchal beliefs, femininity is only attractive if it is pleasant and pleasing to the eye (…) Women are often told that they must be vapid accessories to men rather than their intelligent, self-expressive counterparts.

With the “modest” tendency, women play, mock, and reappropriate oppressive patriarchal norms in a playful way: “Now we are aware of this, so these harmful regulations can no longer be used against us (…) Now it’s just fun!”

Furthermore, cisgender men are also playing along; clear proof that the trend shouldn’t be taken seriously since it’s not just for women.

Being “very modest” or being a “Brat girl”: everyone has their own choice

The “modest” trend appeared immediately after that of the “Brat girl”. Drastically opposed, the speed with which these two “archetypes” have succeeded each other accentuates the gap that separates them. For those who have not heard of her, the “Brat girl” is an uninhibited, fun, bold, extravagant, noisy woman who parties wildly and immediately gets noticed for her exuberance. A totally different vision from that of the “home” woman, in short.

While some women gain self-confidence and self-assurance by acting uninhibited as the “brat girl,” others feel more confident and self-assured when they act discreetly and exude a reserved charisma while remaining silent. Far from wanting to divide women into two camps, these two tendencies show on the contrary that they have different ways of expressing their power, as long as they choose the form in their soul and consciousness.