Alice, single for 4 years: “I’ve waited so long for love that at 25 I have nothing”

• First name :Alice*
• Age : 25 years old
• Place of life : in the countryside, but I moved around a lot because I worked according to the seasons
• Sexual and/or romantic orientation : Straight

How long have you been single?

I’ve been in a relationship for about two years and have been single for four now. In the meantime I had a sexual date++, in couple mode in the way of being. But the feelings were not reciprocated on her part.

How would you describe your single life?

I always thought I would find someone to settle down with, then buy a house together, have children… In the end I waited so long that at 25 I have nothing and I live with my parents because I don’t have anything stable in my life.

Now I’m thinking about making plans on my own, for example buying an apartment/house, while I always thought about doing it together.

From an emotional point of view, what is complicated is that as soon as I start a relationship, I have so much love to give that it can scare the person, which I understand because a man who falls in love too easily makes me run away. .

Does being single impact your friendship or family life?

On a family level, inevitably people ask me this “So love? » I’ll quickly address the topic in general because it often takes too long to explain. But otherwise it’s still a fairly light topic, I still have singles in the family, I’m not the last.

I am well surrounded by friends with whom I easily talk about my failures, my encounters and who give me their opinions (which I don’t always listen to, I admit).

Do you think being single has an impact on your daily morale?

Yes obviously, because I don’t have someone waiting for me in the evening, who shares plans with me and who loves me romantically.

Do you think being single allows you to do things you couldn’t do as a couple?

Yes, you can definitely indulge in more things when you’re single: going to a party with strangers, meeting new people without thinking about justifying yourself to someone… But it’s clear that I could do without it.

Conversely, do you think being single stops you from doing things you could do if you were in a relationship?

Certain ! Small trips and romantic trips are a dream!

Does the geographic location where you live impact your relationship with romantic relationships?

I don’t know, because before I did the seasons, so I often moved regions, staying for periods of six months here and there.

Ultimately, it might have increased my chances of meeting someone, rather than staying in my home region and meeting most of the people I’ve known since middle and high school.

I’ve been back in my area for six months because I’m tired of this unstable situation and being away from my family. But who knows, maybe I will meet this person here, or unfortunately the opposite. Unfortunately I don’t have the answer.

Are you actively seeking a romantic relationship?

Actively, not necessarily. I was registered on several dating sites, all that remained was Badoo. I don’t like Tinder, there are too many people I know.

But not everyone I met on this site was interested in serious relationships. And it’s true that one night stands are much easier to find.

Sometimes I’m really interested in profiles but I never know what to say in a message. However, I feel like you need to have a minimum amount of chemistry to meet the person.

Bottom line, no app has ever really helped me find a serious relationship.

How would you describe your relationship with dating?

I find it embarrassing to meet someone you don’t know at all! We may have nothing in common and we may find ourselves stuck (for a drink or a meal) with someone who ultimately doesn’t interest us at all.

But it can also just be the first impression, we can give up on the first date while getting to know each other can lead to something.

For me the best thing is a meeting in the evening or with friends, in a place where you are yourself and where you ask yourself these types of questions.

Do you feel any form of pressure to actively seek out a romantic partner?

Before, yes, but now I have decided to follow the adage “It will come when it comes and above all when we don't expect it”.

I believe a little in destiny. I hope it doesn't make me hope for anything.

Does being single in love impact your sex life?

As I said above, I had one sexual date so sexually I was really good, but other than that we weren't looking for anyone and we stayed in this ambiguous relationship.

Now, even though sex seems essential to me, I prefer to wait until I find someone I can work with because I've been in many relationships where we first slept together and then hoped for something more.

But I have the impression that for men it's the opposite, that if they get there too easily they don't see a future with the girl.

Do you feel some form of injunction to have a relationship?

No, it's really a desire and not an obligation.

Do you think being single has an impact on your finances?

Hmmm good question! I have a much easier time being single because I haven't always had to pay rent (between staying at home and moving back in with my parents).

So I had some big expenses that I wouldn't necessarily be able to deal with so easily with two people.

But I also spent a lot of money after my breakups, especially on clothes because I wanted to give myself a makeover for pleasure, to feel beautiful and attractive again.

Do you have a dating budget?

No because I rarely meet people.

What are your plans for the future?

Yes, but being single has a big impact on my plans, such as buying a property. On its own, it's much more limited in terms of budget! I used to think I would only buy one house in my life, my dream house. But now I have to think about what is only feasible within my budget, so I guess this will be the first purchase.

I still have time for children but if I don't find it before I turn thirty it's clear that I will be seriously stressed. Because for me, before committing to having children, you need to know the person well, therefore having been in a relationship for at least four or five years.

Do you have a story about being single to share?

Right now I'm telling myself that if my ex hadn't cheated on me, I would have already had a child with him and that I would have been stuck with an unfaithful boyfriend for life. So I'm putting things in perspective, but being single for four years is still a long time!

Then, to give a little anecdote, a man I only saw once to do not very serious things told me a month later that he wanted to have a relationship with me, even though in real life we ​​hadn't talked much, much less via text and that I had no chemistry. So he was complimentary, but he came out of nowhere.

* The name has been changed.

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