Emmanuelle, as a couple: “We don’t have the courage nor the desire to move into a mixed family”

Each of us having our own space, seeing each other when we want and not because we share the same apartment, living as a couple respecting each other’s independence and maintaining our own… In recent years many people have made the choice to” celicoppia “, contraction of ” To separate ” and of ” couple “. Emmanuelle Mayer, journalist specializing in society/construction and author of Ethical furniture (Eyrolles) is one of them. Madmoizelle talks about her daily life and what this word inspires in her.

Emmanuelle’s experience, in a single couple for 2 and a half years

My partner and I have been together for 2 and a half years. Each of us lives in our own home and often in that of others. We are therefore in a “couple” according to the word that has emerged in recent years.

The word of ” celicoppia » don’t talk to me too much, because of the root « To separate » which implies that it would be a light relationship… a relationship to be taken lightly. Of course, legally, we tick the single box. But I feel like REAL couple, i.e accompanied. Intimately and socially. We are company AND company, a word that also reminds me of the journey, the journey. And this is precisely what it is about: the couple is a journey for two. Then, from a media point of view, I understand the interest of a word like celicoppia, to define this social phenomenon of couples who do not live together.

Among the celibates there are certainly young people who do not want to burn their wings. And, like me, many forty-year-olds burnt out by long-term relationships, by the house, by children, by divorce…

After that, we tell ourselves that we will play softly.

We already have a house, children, there is no need to rush to build a common nest. It’s reassuring to say that we have our own income and, if anything, our own roof over our heads. This autonomy is empowering. And it also gives that feeling of freedom that some people need after years of marriage or family life, I’m thinking in particular of mothers who have forgotten themselves along the way. It is then necessary to clarify the famous freedom of the celicocouple: we can be very free while we live together and we must be responsible without living together. Everyone’s freedom is a story of sliders to adapt to whatever the couple’s way of life is.

In addition to autonomy and a sense of freedom, non-cohabitation allows you to avoid or at least alleviate the usual discussions about household chores. We are “your place, your rules”! There is no need to agree on the level of floor cleaning or the frequency of laundry, everyone decides for themselves. That doesn't mean we don't share tasks. Everyone can take the initiative to prepare the meal or wash the dishes, whether we are at one or another's house. But for cleaning, laundry or DIY, instead of being in this implicit and undefined state that so often leads to arguments, we simply ask the other when we want help.

The reasons why each of us lives in our own home are multiple and not definitive. The first is that we don't want to upset the balance we've found with our respective teenagers, which we each have every other week. Moving from the nuclear family to a single parent family was already an ordeal a few years ago, we don't have the courage nor the desire to transition to a blended family, which implies movements or reorganizations but above all establishing common rules of education. Personally, I have two daughters aged 12 and 14 with whom things are going very well and, even though I am very much in love with my boyfriend and his son is very kind, we do not have the same way of living as a family, nor the same lifestyle habits. On the other hand, we have synchronized our weeks, so we have a week each at home with our children and a week where we spend most of the time together at one or the other's house.

The second reason why we chose not to live together is that each of us is anchored to our respective villages. My house is mine, my friends are within walking distance, he is involved in an activist community in his village: none of us want to move! But our luck is that these two cities are 30 minutes away by car, so we can easily travel from one to the other, which allows us to enjoy both places.

Celicocouple is a dream for some, but there are still disadvantages. First of all, two accommodations have a cost: all the bills are double... When you have a small income, the end of the month can be expensive. Celicocouple also increases everyone's ecological footprint, between comings and goings, doubled electricity and heating consumption, and double the equipment that would be shared if there was only one house. But the biggest difficulty of celicoppia is that it requires crazy organization! We have regular “journal sessions” to try to plan. In general I would say that this operating mode requires great communication and the ability to maintain the bond at a distance, so that it does not fray. Obviously we miss each other when we don't see each other but this, for me, is almost an advantage, because it fuels the flame!

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