“An independence activist from the Basque Country, Xabi was arrested in 2015 for terrorism at the home of friends of my family. I don’t know him directly, but I was present during his arrest. A violent and shocking scene. So I wrote him a letter to show my support. He answers me.
From there our exchange of letters begins. We write letters to each other every week containing eight to ten pages. Even our photos. We tell each other our lives, we bond and become attached to each other to the point of falling madly in love. However, having never seen each other, we don’t label ourselves as a couple.
“At our first meeting it’s total stress, I don’t even know how to greet him”
After three years, Xabi asked me to visit him in the visiting room of the Fresnes detention centre, where he was being held. With 11 years left to serve, this is the only way to meet him in real life. I ask for a visit permit, contact his family to choose a date and book my plane ticket.
Our first meeting takes place on May 28, 2018. It’s total stress, I don’t even know how to greet him. He doesn’t get you far either. We kiss, hugging each other and after chatting for a while, of course, we kiss. From that day on we are officially a couple. Our correspondence continues.
And we meet to talk about it about every three months. This cannot be improvised, the request must be made several weeks in advance. Additionally, accommodation and airfare come at a cost. At the same time, we get the agreement to be able to call each other. The calls are unlimited, but very expensive and billed to the prisoner who has to load the credit. Feeling the need to talk to each other every day, we try to limit the duration.
“Sleeping or cooking together seems like a detail for any couple, but for us it is very precious”
Xabi has moved closer, to Mont-de-Marsan, which allows us to talk 45 minutes a month. In this penitentiary center there are also UVFs (Family Life Units) with three furnished apartments where people can meet for a period of between 6 and 72 hours.
If we get a favorable response – the inmates’ requests are many, therefore not systematically authorized – we find out about it two weeks in advance with the assigned date and time. Luckily during that time, working in events, often on weekends, I have a lot of flexibility during the week to free myself up.
Spending so many hours together, sometimes three whole days, is a real discovery. Sleeping or cooking together seems like a detail for any couple, but for us it is very precious. But, in 2020, the announcement of lockdown marks the end of the UVF and the talkers for nine months, a physical distance that is very difficult to live with.
Therefore, the resumption of salons with the use of masks and physical distancing is not easy. In March 2022, Xabi asked to be transferred to Lannemezan to benefit from better detention conditions. And in particular longer visiting rooms where we can see each other for three hours in the morning and three hours in the afternoon.
“5 years almost exactly the day after our first visit, I gave birth to our baby boy”
Right now I’m 30, he’s 39. He’ll be able to apply for parole soon. It is so strong among us that we naturally start to feel the desire to have children. I got pregnant in August.
So we proceeded to get married, since the father could not be present at the time of registration of the birth, we needed a family register. We sign the papers with the notaries in prison, then the deputy mayor comes to give us an individual interview that seems like an interrogation, to verify that it is not a fake marriage. We are then given the date of the wedding: 14 March 2023.
We celebrate our union in the penitentiary center in a meeting room next to the deputy mayor and our two witnesses, Xabi’s parents, the only relatives to have a visiting permit. I’m not wearing a white suit, but a nice dress that’s comfortable for my belly. We immortalize the moment with some photos, then he goes back to his cell. Wedding night not included in the menu.
On May 31, 2023, almost five years after we first met, I gave birth to our baby boy. This is what children born from the union with a prisoner are called.
Support from loved ones and liberation
My neighbors, my family, his and my friends have been very helpful and supportive. And the fact that I was in a relationship with a man who had been in prison for about ten years did not upset my loved ones.
It must be said that, like many here, my father and my uncle have already been convicted of terrorism following their calls for the liberation of the Basque Country. Xabi asks permission to meet his daughter, at home and not in prison. It happened just two weeks after Euri’s birth, under police guard.
He immediately received a positive parole response and was released from prison on November 13, 2023, after spending eight and a half years behind bars. Euri is five months old. We didn’t expect it to be so fast, but we are very happy, especially for our little girl. Since then, we have enjoyed our little threesome life, free and happy. »
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Source: Madmoizelle
Mary Crossley is an author at “The Fashion Vibes”. She is a seasoned journalist who is dedicated to delivering the latest news to her readers. With a keen sense of what’s important, Mary covers a wide range of topics, from politics to lifestyle and everything in between.
