The “girlfriend fluffer”, or when your partner uses you as a blindfold

Behind this funny term there is actually a not exactly enviable tendency: that of being used by your partner to recover from a previous romantic relationship. We explain what the “girlfriend fluffer” is.

You’re probably already familiar with the “situation” where, despite the emotional and sexual connection with your partner, your partner refuses to define himself as “in a relationship” with you. Get ready to discover another loving condition, equally unpleasant and toxic: the “girlfriend fluffer”.

You may have already experienced this situation, before even knowing the term: you meet someone, you plan to be with him or her, but he or she, particularly scarred by his or her last romantic relationship, has difficulty investing. And when your romantic relationship ends, you feel like you’ve been used, that you’ve served as a blindfold to her ego before he or she finds someone else for something serious. Well, that’s what the “fluffer girlfriend” is – literally the “fluff girlfriend”.

“I know the concept very well: being the woman who dates a man and, immediately after, marries another, explained in an article by The independent marriage consultant Sabrina Bendori. What I often see is a man who doesn’t want anything serious and a woman who stays anyway, and who thinks “what if I show him how good I am and change my mind”, but is fixated on what she wants. »

A bad romantic relationship choice

But being in a relationship with a man (or woman) who is emotionally unavailable and incapable of giving you the stability and commitment you need in a romantic relationship doesn’t leave you unscathed. To avoid leaving all your self-esteem in a relationship that will lead to nothing, Sabrina Bendori offers some advice:

“Don’t invest yourself in someone until you see that they are as interested as you are. Be honest with yourself and if you can’t be honest with yourself, ask the people around you what they think about your relationship. »

Sabrina Bendori, The Independent

The marriage counselor also reminds us that we shouldn’t take being chosen as our partner’s “bandage buddy” personally. “It’s usually not personal. Don’t tell yourself that you are a demanding girl, ask yourself what you can learn from this experience. »

Introspective work necessary

The most difficult thing is also the feeling of having helped the other to “repair” himself, of having helped him, despite ourselves, to his future relationship which will be healthy and long-lasting. “When a person is going through a bad time and receives help and support, even if they are grateful, they will always associate that relationship with an unhappy part of their life. So it’s possible that he or she needs someone new and jumps at the chance.”specifies Sabrina Bendori.

According to the expert, become emotionally involved in this type of relationship doomed to failure it can also be a sign that we have something to resolve in our emotional life.

“It’s possible that it goes back to childhood, when you had to prove yourself to get love.

Your mission is to bring this man back to life and you think he will reward you for your loyalty, but things don’t work that way: when he gains trust, he moves on. »

Sabrina Bendori, The Independent

To prevent this from happening and then suffering, it is therefore important to do introspective work by asking ourselves why we choose people who cannot meet our expectations. “It is possible that these women are ‘fluffers’ because they are attracted to the projects. For example, a man who has emotional problems and their mission is to solve or heal him. »

“This type of relationship is known as a codependent relationship: it is not a long-lasting relationship and quickly becomes toxic”concludes Sabrina Bendori.

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Source: Madmoizelle

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