I’m tens of thousands of dollars into debt (and it’s going well)

My name is Manon, I’m in my thirties, I live in the Paris region and if we had to sum up my relationship with money, I’d say it’s chaotic. Maybe it’s due to my family history: my father had an obsessive relationship with his accounts that he continually made and remade, telling us that we had no money – while as an adult I realize that we weren’t poor either. On my mother’s side, talking about money was simply taboo.

Ultimately I was never taught how to manage my money in a healthy way and the topic tends to make me anxious. That said, although I was always a big spender when I had a good salary, I also knew how to keep myself reasonable when my income decreased.

So I didn’t think I had the profile of a person who accumulates debt.

Covid, couples and buying a house

In 2020, my boyfriend wanted to move out of our rented apartment to buy a house together in the suburbs of Paris. It was right in the middle of the Covid period and it is true that the confinement pushed us, like others, to make choices that seemed right at the time, but which were no longer necessarily so.

The purchase was never in my plans, but I went with it. This worried me a lot, especially because I knew it would be a huge loan, lasting several decades. I started having insomnia, waking up at 4 in the morning and not being able to go back to sleep. I think in my mind this loan sounded like a prison, something that would lock me away – and rightly so!

And then we bought and signed a loan of 430,000 euros, which costs me 902 euros a month. It was soon after the purchase that the problems began to pile up.

From loan to debt there is only one step

For the loan application to work, I had to prove my income for the last 3 years. The difficulty in my case was that until then I had been self-employed in advertising and had just retrained as an illustrator. This new profession has come with a new status, that of artist-author, which for a bank is more reassuring than that of self-entrepreneur, provided you have 3 years of seniority with a good turnover.

To facilitate the loan, my accountant proposed an administrative expedient: spend my last three years of self-employment under the artist-author regime. He advised me that I needed some money set aside for this process, because the expenses are not the same from one status to another, especially since I had received aid for my self-employed status. I honestly expected to have to pay €3,000, €4,000, no more…

In fact I was asked to repay 25,000 euros of social security contributions! An amount that obviously I didn’t have in my account. I felt like I was falling into a void, but that wasn’t the end of it.

There was also Ircec, the supplementary pension for artist-authors, which is compulsory… And since until then, in reality, I was self-employed and not an artist-author, evidently I had never paid it . Also in this case I was asked for several thousand euros.

Then afterwards I brought the taxes into play, and if you don’t pay immediately they increase your debt and seize your account. It’s hot, because all your accounts end up blocked and the administration sucks everything in its path. You no longer have ANY power over your money.

At one point my mother sent me some money so I could repay some expenses, but it was sucked up by taxes and I couldn’t do anything… In short, the year 2021 was terrible, and this made me sad. she created new debts with my mother.

My boyfriend, my money and my debts

The most difficult thing for me is that since I can no longer pay the mortgage, my boyfriend took over and therefore I have another debt of 22,000 euros with him. It’s complicated in our relationship, stressful for both of us and really not good for my ego.

Today the only solution we have left is to sell our house, but for the moment it’s not about selling. Because of these debts I am living beyond my means and I know that if the slightest deviation occurs, until the house is sold, I will continue to incur new debt.

This situation makes me wonder a lot about money in heterosexual couples. In my case we made the purchase 50/50 even though I earn much less than him. I feel like everything in our society is designed to make guys look good. Furthermore, around me, they are often the ones pushing for the purchase of properties, and my friends follow them.

I also notice that only guys openly judged me. I’ve already been told “well, what? Didn’t you know you’d find yourself in this situation? “There’s something very gendered about money, and I feel very lucky to know more or less how to manage administratively, to have a phone that works, to know my rights, because otherwise you’re really screwed .

And then, I realized that we infantilize the poor a lot, but that those who are in debt are worse off.

Get out of the water and live, finally

I incurred all these debts in 2021. I remember the insomnia, the permanent stress of receiving collection letters every day. I looked for stupid permanent contracts to earn as much money as possible and abandoned projects I cared about in favor of higher salaries.

I really had a meltdown, but it’s getting better. Today I have a balance of 3,000 euros in social security contributions, I owe money to my boyfriend, to my mother and I continue to repay the mortgage on the house. But I see an end to self-reported debt, and the good thing about debt is that you immediately feel better when it’s paid off.

The complicated thing is that now I have this fear that I have forgotten other accusations and that a new administration will send me a letter announcing that I owe them thousands of euros. I say this even though I don’t think we are taxed too much at all, I am happy to pay taxes for the community.

I just have the impression that the system and the tax system are not made for independent, creative and even slightly ditzy people. Furthermore, during my studies at an art school, the topic of money was barely touched upon, even though it is the crux of the matter and affects our practice!

Having debt, being positive and above all talking about it

I’m lucky enough to be an optimistic person and I can stop thinking about it every day.

In some ways, I’m even happy I made this choice to buy a house, it taught me many things about myself and I couldn’t have known how much it would cost me. He also reminded me how privileged I am to have had access to it, because I am straight, white and culturally privileged, protected by my partner and family.

Today I often joke about my situation with those close to me. It is important that it does not become a taboo. Sometimes I say I’m the most indebted person at the table. It’s interesting, because sometimes I realize that it’s not true, it’s just that people don’t talk about it, they’re ashamed. However, we shouldn’t be ashamed of not always receiving the right advice!

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