On the day of their friendship wedding, Justine and Marion both wore flowers in their hair. “We had everything planned, the outfits, the flower crowns and the wishes. It happened in the middle of a meadow bordered by a river in the Alpes de Haute Provence”, remembers the first, with her eyes still sparkling. The story of these two best friends, aged 31 and 34, begins in 2018, in the austere corridors of a college in the Ile-de-France region. Justine talks about love at first sight: “She came down the stairs and I had the impression of recognizing her, of having already met her in another life. I said to myself “I want to be his friend” ». A relationship of tenderness and above all solidarity begins between the two teachers. This complicity offers them a space of support as they begin careers hundreds of kilometers from their families. In 2019 they want to make their friendship official by organizing a symbolic wedding. “For me there may be other forms of love to recognize and honor”, says Justine. Marion remembers explaining the project to her relatives, “everyone was involved in the game”. Samantha, a lawyer friend of theirs, had even offered to read some extracts from the civil code relating to marriage.
Read also: Our powerful friendshipsan essay that places friendship at the center of our lives
Making an unofficial relationship official
If friendship is not free from rituals and customs, it does not require any social recognition, unlike other forms of commitment. Specialized in social psychology and author of an essay on friendships (Unlikely Friends: Different bonds and friendships) explains the sociologist James Vela-McConnell“unlike marriage or taking out a mortgage (…), there is no public social ritual associated with friendship, although there are many rituals between friends, such as the ‘exchange of gifts’. Our lives are marked by experiences made official by law or by peers: from the housewarming party to the signing of an employment contract, through the company farewell party or the sacrosanct wedding. In friendship there is neither beginning nor end. Friendship candles are rarely blown out. That’s why Justine and Marion wanted to celebrate their friendship. These weddings weren’t just about a riverside party, Marion explains, which evokes a profound, feminist pact:
“It was also a way to promise mutual commitment. It’s about, for example, making yourself available. Justine will always be able to come and live with me, even if I live far from her today. It is a friendship-refuge, where there is no room for judgement. »
Marion
Although friendship is a universal value, “is not considered important in the structure of society”, after James Vela-McConnell. The observation seems harsh but the statistics do not say otherwise. The more life progresses, the more existences are organized around emotional ideals other than that of friendship. The romantic couple first and foremost. According to academic studies, it is one of the main obstacles to friendships in adult life. In an article published on The GuardianRobin Dunbar, an anthropologist at the University of Oxford, explains it in numbers:
“Establishing a romantic relationship costs you the loss of two friends·e.g. People in a relationship, unlike most other people who have a “hard core” of five people, only have four. And among these is the romantic partner. »
Robin Dunbar
You place as much importance on friendship as you do on romantic love
Therefore, structuring your friendships around an event or a common project seems to be a solid bulwark to keep them going over time. Laure, Nina and Claire, three artists aged 32, 33 and 34, have decided to push this vision of friendship even further. At the end of the 2020 birth, the trio decided to make a wish that had been somewhat vague until then come true: that of creating a life as a threesome. Nina says, for example, that she did not particularly want to live alone, nor share daily life as a couple. For Claire, “He was not an adult roommate, often seen as temporary. But rather a lasting bond in such a close configuration as the family bond.”. Their dream takes the form of an eco-sustainable, self-built house in Angoulême, the land of origin of their friendship.
The first step is to announce it to your family. “We wanted to organize a party to talk about this life project for three people, but as we talked about the celebrations… we realized that it looked more and more like a wedding! », remembers Nina, all smiles. While imagining this celebration, thirty-somethings also start looking for a place to live and visit a lot of houses and lands. In March 2023 the sales contract is signed and work can begin. On the other hand, to convince the notaries accustomed to PACS and marriage, the solution had to be found: “We created a real estate cooperative company, it is the simplest status to purchase and also the most protective”, says Laura. This project does not prevent Laure and Claire from having romantic relationships with guys who fully support them. “But romantic love is not the only pillar of our life, it is one among others”, defends the second. For the moment there is no particular question of children. But when we ask them for a ten-year vision, Laure replies: “We will be on the edge of a duck pond, right in front of the house, from which a certain sweetness of life will emerge. »
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Source: Madmoizelle
Mary Crossley is an author at “The Fashion Vibes”. She is a seasoned journalist who is dedicated to delivering the latest news to her readers. With a keen sense of what’s important, Mary covers a wide range of topics, from politics to lifestyle and everything in between.
