November 11, 2021
” It is funny, you moan like in a porno. »
I hadn’t expected that sentence. ” Fun “you said it Jean-Mi: one sentence was enough to question my entire sexual life!
Am I really moaning like in porn? Has the consumption of the #FemaleOrgasms tag (done by professionals) permeated my voice and expressions?
And above all, is it serious?
In porn, such strong pleasure
Apparently I wasn’t the only one to ask this question: Noémie, 24 years old, who consumed a lot of pornography, confided to Madmoizelle thatshe has long been conscious of not making noise during sexand therefore that he was simulating.
“ And vice versa, if the person didn’t make any noise, I felt bad, I was waiting for a moan, a gasp, something. My current girlfriend, for example, is very quiet and this bothers me a lot. »
To begin with, I had to understand why the sound element was so important in porn. I talked about it with Carmina, actress and director of pornographic films (Carré Rose Films) and editor-in-chief of Perfect label :
“ The male orgasm is quite simple to show on the screen: the ejaculation of a penis on the face, on the buttocks, in the vagina… Let’s assume that it corresponds to an orgasm. But the question is How to show female pleasure?
In mainstream porn, except in the squirting scene [ou « éjaculation féminine », ndlr], this happens vocally: cries of pleasure are the easiest way. »
The male orgasm manifests itself through liters of sperm, while the female orgasm comes through the voice… And the more exaggerated it is, the more understandable it is, according to Ludivine Demol, a doctoral student researching information and communication sciences. Details for Madmoizelle:
“ Porn that tries to reproduce reality will use all the tricks to do so, but like any cultural production! So the noises are amplified, like in the theater. »
Porn therefore aims to remain on the border between what viewers imagine of reality… and reality. Because in real life, not everyone plays Castafiore once their underwear is off! Sarah, 28, remembers:
“During my first experiences with men, many told me that I wasn’t ‘expressive at all’ and that made me uncomfortable for a while… I honestly wondered if I was frigid. »
According to Carmina, pornography has a function of representation and excitement it remains mostly made by or for cishetero men : in this type of content you can’t hear men, because the viewer must be able to put themselves in the actor’s shoes.
“ This is an ugly legacy of the patriarchy, which insists that men not show their emotions… including sexuality. »
Even if men make little noise in heterosexual porn, they still do it many to practice dirty talk, these crude words sometimes composed of sexist insults. Carmina explains it for Madmoizelle:
“ This is based on a dynamic that excites the viewer and imposes dominance, without being in BDSM, which is a codified environment. »
A way of indicating who holds a position of power… but when it happens in the bedroom, not everyone necessarily likes it, as Sarah tells us.
“ The “do you like it, bitch”, this nonsense… I felt dejected, I couldn’t put myself out there, it blocked me and took me completely out of the moment. And it is rarely talked about in advance. »
Does porn influence us or do we influence porn?
Despite the great moral panic that pornography represents for many conservatives, there are no studies that demonstrate the influence of pornography on our intimate lives. Carmina insists:
“ What studies show is that we are influenced by the world around us: traditional cinema, Netflix… by everything we watch! »
Because we grew up in a patriarchal and heterocentric society, most of our cultural representations show dominant men and submissive women. However, “What you reproduce in your sexual intercourse may be inspired by porn, but it doesn’t just come from that », recalls Ludivine Demol. Sarah, for her part, analyzes:
“ I still think it creates a kind of reference for men. As a cishetero woman, because you were raised to seduce guys, you feel obligated to go watch porn to see their references. »
But thinking that sex education can only happen through pornography is an illusion, according to Ludivine Demol.
“Our sexual practices and how we express them are knitted with many elements : what excites us, what we think of our partner, our past experiences, our cultural references…”
In this way Noémie’s sexual education was carried forward “humorous comics that use sex as gags – Fluide Glacial, an obscure sexology book… and the porn I secretly watched on the family computer”, remember. In fact, everyone comes under the covers with a potpourri of desires and expectations, some of which come from porn.
And as Ludivine Demol reminds us, if porn can serve as inspiration, often, “we watch content that already excites us: our desires pre-exist”.
At this point in my research, I realize that the porn issue is a chicken-or-the-egg question: Is porn inspired by reality or is reality influenced by porn?
“For me it’s a circle: porn draws inspiration from society and transforms its elements into fantasies, and the people who watch it reintegrate them into their lives”, says Carmina. According to Ludivine Demol, who studies access to pornography among girls, “Gender identity is linked to access to pornography » – girls often discover this through third parties or in the desire for exploration and discovery.
Noémie, for example, explains that pornography was the only place she could see a trans person, before her transition:
“ I kind of knew trans people existed, which wasn’t true for everyone in the countryside I was from. »
But mainstream heterosexual porn, made by and for men, plays to certain codes.— “I think he created injunctions about “good noises” to make to show pleasure, as if they “validated” the right relationship », analyzes Sarah. For many years, The directors therefore try to impose a feminist, queer and independent pornographylike Carmina:
“ We seek to detach ourselves from the injunctions of heterosexuality and patriarchy, particularly by representing pleasure differently. »
AND this happens largely through soundas Sarah, a consumer of this type of pornography, explains:
“ It’s more sensual I would say. Less screaming, more whispering, moaning. It seems less fake. »
After all, is it really bad to scream your pleasure like in a porno? Or on the contrary, moan softly? In both cases, and for all shades of volume, our sexual noises are the result of a myriad of references, experiences and desires.
And also the (more or less bad) soundproofing of our apartments.
Photo credit: Tim Samuel/Pexels
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Source: Madmoizelle
Mary Crossley is an author at “The Fashion Vibes”. She is a seasoned journalist who is dedicated to delivering the latest news to her readers. With a keen sense of what’s important, Mary covers a wide range of topics, from politics to lifestyle and everything in between.
