Guide to surviving a gastrointestinal epidemic

When it comes to poop, we’re not all the same. Words from a person with chronic constipation.

But when the season of gastroenteritis epidemics begins, from the President of the Republic to my retired neighbor from RATP, We are all in this together.

So, as a pioneer of the liquid gut, always the first to be touched, always the first to rise… I will share it with you my survival guide during a day of gastronomy.

Gastroenteritis epidemic, how to protect yourself

In times of gastro epidemic more than usual, I invite you to do a little exercise during your day.

Try to observe, from morning until before going to sleep, how many times a day did you touch your facehair, mouth, nose.

And how many times have you put your delicate fingers full of bacteria on your cell phone, on your computer keyboard, on the bus barrier, on door handles…

Yum.

Yes, like any normal person, the handwashing/contact with bacteria ratio should not be optimal.

AT THAT TIME WASH YOUR HANDS. Please. Think of us if it’s not for you. Thank you.

And if you live in the Hauts-de-France, I have the misfortune to tell you that you are in the most affected region, but you, dear southerner, do not think you are too sure.

In terms of prevention, in addition to hand washing and your diet which must be vitaminized, colorful and varied boost your body…I’m sorry but I don’t have any miracle cure to give you.

Symptoms of gastroenteritis

If you already have a contract gastrointestinal symptomsConsider yourself one of the lucky ones in this 2018 epidemic.

If you suddenly broke out in a cold sweat and had to unexpectedly leave your Tinder date to empty yourself in the bathroom without interruption.

If your stomach writhing with sharp cramps in the middle of the street and you had to run to a bar to ask health alms…

And if the symptoms persist, they add up fever, severe fatigue, loss of appetite and headache…

Stop everything. And if you are lazy or workaholicgo to the doctor immediately, get arrested and stay home, spend a few days a little closer to the toilet.

How to survive gastroenteritis

The passwords: Rest ONLY.

No one wants to be in the front row to enjoy the sounds and smells of your deli.

So rest, take the treatment prescribed by your doctor and keep in mind that, like a big hangover, it will pass.

Prefers showering to bathing

In the first hours of gastroenteritis (depending on the type of gastroenteritis you have, it can last from 1 to 3 days), you will empty yourself.

Sometimes you will want to vomit, sometimes you will want to defecate… And sometimes you will live this wonderful winning combination : vomit AND defecate at the same time.

And believe me, this never warns you, and if it happened to you, you would rather squat in the shower than sit on the toilet…

Hot water bottle, basin and no panties

My way of life of gastro.

When your stomach is all hard and sore, the heat from the hot water bottle is good for him.

Always keep a basin at the foot of the bed, and sleeping without trousers or panties is not only more pleasant and good for your health, but it is also more practical in case of emergency…

Don’t force yourself to eat

If everything you eat comes out, there’s no point in persisting. Listen to your body, when you are hungry, you will eat.

Yes, you risk becoming one a kind of dull, feverish corpse. But it is a necessary step.

When I feel able to eat again, I personally avoid raw meat, and eat well-cooked rice or plain pasta and steamed vegetables.

In short, anything that can block the surge a little.

Drink water

Liters and liters of water.

Don’t hesitate to set an alarm on your phone every 20 minutes to think about it.

It’s about your survival, your health and well-being of your orifices when you need to empty yourself again…

Staying hydrated is key.

Take advantage of not being able to do anything

For some, immobilization is difficult to manage. For others like me, it’s a great guilty pleasure.

Because we always have something else or better to do… Except when you have deli !

This is an opportunity to not feel guilty about having nothing to do binger watch Netflix series, masturbate or color and draw for hours!

So you might as well try to take advantage of it, right?

Gastroenteritis is over!

WELL DONE ! You survived this gastronomic ordeal!

And if you are truly a winner, you haven’t even infected your parents and partner.

Now is the time to do it burn all clothes and sheets who supported you in these dark days.

AT THE STAKE

No, I’m just joking.

But put all your clothes and sheets in the washing machineand scrub the toilet and the entire bathroom!

Listen to Apéro des Daronnes, Madmoizelle’s show that aims to break down taboos on parenting.