Help, I want to interrupt family celebrations, can I?

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice, covered with a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to help a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

I have a large family, and every year my parents organize Christmas Eve on the evening of the 31st, to bring together as many people as possible. Except this year I find myself alone on New Year’s Eve: I just got divorced and my children are with their father. Frankly, I don’t want to take the heat when I finally get to enjoy the peace of mind (I have my kids in primary care) and this year hasn’t been easy.

I don’t want to drive 3 hours, spend 72 hours at the table, chatting with distant cousins ​​I don’t care about (and vice versa). Do you know what would make me dream? Do not do nothing. I would like to spend New Year’s Eve and the first few days of the year watching Netflix, eating something other than roots, and drinking something other than alcohol.

Is it right to plant them? And if so, what do I tell them?

Anaïs

Daronne’s response

My little holly leaf,

Sometimes I suspect that you send me letters with the aim of getting me scolded. But today I believe you write to me, because you know that I will be on your side instead. Of course I encourage you to throw crazy parties so you can relax peacefully at home!

I even decided not to evaluate the pros and cons in writing, I would be too afraid to make you give up on your wonderful project. So instead, I’ll tell you why I’m your most loyal support.

Tired of always doing everything right!

You have to admit that it’s not polite to send your guests home at the last minute, even if they are your parents. But don’t you think it’s enough to be polite, correct, available, available, submissive? You are not a turkey condemned to occupy your microseconds of annual freedom by gorging on constraints (turkey, stuffing, get it?).

If I no longer remember my three years, many photos and videos are there to testify to the fact that I evidently loved running naked and singing at the top of my lungs without worrying about my rusty voice. In general, early childhood is a rather yolo time in terms of social conventions and much of education is aimed at curbing these impulses of pleasure and absolute self-centeredness. Especially that of girls. Thus we arrive at adulthood with a concrete sense of responsibility, and a list as long as a day without WiFi of rules to be applied daily. Yet it’s so nice to be able to joke around from time to time, even if it’s also terrifying, I’ll give you that.

That said, the joke here is not to hurt someone or spend all your savings on a motorbike when you don’t even have a B license. So you can give up without too much guilt.

Because it’s not the right time to connect with loved ones anyway

When you’re a child, the simple prospect of receiving toys can make the worst moments sweeter. It is probably for this reason, and for this reason alone, that we consider the end-of-year celebrations a pleasant and convivial moment. Cognitive dissonance forces us, we continue to be convinced, while each passing year persists in proving the opposite.

This holiday season, these comments make me the cliché of the grumpy Grinch. However, I base them on mathematical facts. In reality, no one can deny that in other circumstances, the fact of bringing together in a closed space a large number of people, many of whom have nothing in common, does not define the term “complicit reunion with loved ones”. If your parents imagine that they will have more than twenty minutes to talk to you, without being interrupted by a know-it-all Uncle Denis as soon as you approach a serious topic your horns will tickle.

Instead of beating yourself up about missing ancestors you rarely see, consider other ways to maintain your relationship throughout the year. Call them more often, take the time to visit them in March or November, months when nothing happens for anyone. You can also organize an event, like a weekend, with them and with all the members of this family that you feel close to.

Excuses to avoid family parties

I know, I personally lie like a three year old who says no, he didn’t poop, while the signature scents follow him faithfully. However, for a long time I continued to lie in these types of situations, so as not to hurt those close to me and ESPECIALLY to avoid trouble. I might as well tell you that the pot au rose was outdoors and that I wasn’t avoiding anything at all. Tired of my reputation as a selfish person, I finally decided to tell the truth. Oddly enough, this never caused any problems again.

I think your divorce and your rough year are two perfectly legitimate excuses for skipping New Year’s Eve. That said, I also know that for some boomers, conventions are far more important than well-being, even that of the people they love most in the world. So, if your prank skills are sharper than mine, here are some ideas:

• You’ve got gastro, the flu, or COVID, nasty contagious winter illnesses that no one wants to catch. Especially not the great Mamy Renée, the oldest person known.
• After learning that you didn’t have any children that week, your supervisor asked you to come back to work in the office. The leave is reserved for parents, or so it is currently rumored.
• You should never use your children as an excuse. It’s a shame, even if our heirs didn’t spend the week with us, there are many reasons that could reactivate our parental obligations. It would also be very unpleasant to shoot a “test” video first, with the complicity of the child. It’s a shame, with four glasses of Cava in the bag everyone would have fallen for it.

That’s everything for me, because that’s all you need. You are of age and deserve this relaxing time alone and if you were my daughter, I would be happy if you let me.

After all, you’re a bit like my daughter, since I’m your Daronne.

The kiss,

Your Daronne

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