I’m a vegetarian and every year celebrating Christmas in my family is hell

The Christmas holidays should be a magical time, full of joy, sharing and festivity. Unfortunately for me they have become an annual ordeal, a real obstacle course within my own family. Every year I face a challenge that goes beyond simply choosing gifts and decorations: I am a vegetarian in a family of proud meat eaters.

A deeply rooted meat culture

I grew up in a southwestern family, where Eating duck confit is an integral part of family culture : My paternal grandfather was a duck breeder and the other worked for a long time as a butcher in the markets.

Needless to say, I tried a lot of meat dishes as soon as I had enough teeth to eat them. And even though my parents know that eating too much meat isn’t necessarily good for your health, there’s no question that they would consider not eating any meat, even for an entire week.

So I have raised in this culture of meat and “eating well” passed on to me by my family. I still have many memories today of the barbecues organized for my cousins, of the beef ribs that my father and my grandfather cooked together on summer days, of the Sunday tables where a roast chicken dominated and of the large terracotta dish in which my grandmother prepared country terrines homemade.

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Becoming a vegetarian, a carefully considered decision

Today, however, seven years have passed since I stopped eating meat or fish. My commitment to vegetarianism began when I was a student, when I began to live my own experiences and meet new people, away from the familiar straitjacket. Among my university friends, many were vegetarians and they took the time to explain their beliefs to me: those of respect for animal life and the need to reduce our impact on the environment. Their conversation didn’t “slant” right away. It took me a while to develop this idea, but I was definitively convinced of it when I saw a video from the L214 association on what was happening in a pig slaughterhouse. As much as I loved eating meat, I no longer wanted to participate in this trivialized, consensual violence against animals.. The day I saw this video, my cognitive dissociation was over. I decided not to eat meat and fish anymore and since then I have been completely aligned with this choice.

But since then, every family moment has tested my resolve. To give you an example, my mother thinks she’s cooking vegetarian when she makes a quiche Lorraine because “Bacon is not meat”…

So, when a few weeks before Christmas 2016 I announced to my parents that I had become a vegetarian, I thought the sky had fallen on their heads. I don’t think it would have been any worse if I had told them I was going to become a nun. My father didn’t say anything at the time, but my mother asked me “why was it so difficult for me to participate in a family tradition”. Even though I explained to them that it was a personal choice that didn’t question my love for them, I know I let them down.

At that moment it hurt me a lot. I felt separated from my family, the one I loved unreservedly. The break was further accentuated at Christmas, when my parents had absolutely no vegetarian options for New Year’s Eve. Even though I asked them nicely, they made it clear that it wasn’t their place to adjust “my special diet”But it’s up to me to make an effort.

This Christmas, when my family ate a lot of festive dishes – from oysters with foie gras on the 24th, to the famous capon on the 25th – I remember being able to eat only aperitif cakes, dauphine potatoes and log.

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A persistent misunderstanding

Since then, every Christmas has been an ordeal. Lively menu discussions become a minefield where my beliefs clash with family traditions. Every year I secretly hope that this time my parents will understand my point of view, or at least be open-minded. However, the reality is often very different.

For example, I had to decide to cook and bring my own Christmas lunch, different from my family’s. But here too I have to justify my choice. “But it’s Christmas, you might make an exception!” » is probably the phrase that has been said to me most often in recent years.

I also have to rely on the often awkward questions of other family members. “Why are you depriving yourself? », “Don’t you miss foie gras?” »… Over the years I have learned to anticipate these difficult times. I prepare my defense, I provide IPCC data on the carbon footprint of meat production and fishing, I talk to them about what animals suffer in slaughterhouses… But without much result. Like politics, my vegetarianism is a topic I prefer to avoid with my family.

However, there was some comfort last year: my brother took me aside to tell me that he was sorry for having been unpleasant to me, that he should have accepted my choice, and that he himself was aware today of the damage that was making meat production environmentally damaging. He really warmed my heart.

In fact, what hurts me the most, it’s my parents’ persistent misunderstanding. The idea that my food choice is not just a fad, but a profound commitment, completely escapes them. Honestly, I love my parents, but this tipping point broke something between us. I realize it: I go to see them less often and when I do I no longer linger.

This year things will change: for the first time I will spend the holidays with my girlfriend’s family, who is also vegetarian. And I can already see the difference: her mother says that she would prepare a menu without meat or fish for both of them, without this being a problem.

I still hope that my parents will eventually accept my choice and respect my decision. Maybe one day Christmas will no longer be hell, but a time of mutual understanding, respect for differences, and celebration of love and family unity, without compromising my deeply held beliefs.

* The name has been changed.

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