Help! My boyfriend wants him to stop breastfeeding

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice, covered with a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to help a reader!

The question for Daronne

Bye bye little lady of love,

I’m writing to you because I could really use your wise advice on a situation that is starting to get on my nerves a little.

Here, I am the mother of two little girls, one 4 years old and the other 4 months old and I am breastfeeding the latter after having breastfed the first for 3 years. For the first time, my boyfriend practically had his back to me. Let’s say that he never made any comments to me because he saw that I cared, even though he comes from an environment where breastfeeding your baby is clearly nonsense. But for our second, it’s a different story. Basically breastfeeding bothers him: I spend too much time, we have to wait for my daughter to finish before leaving the house or getting in the car, etc. So he wants us to switch to bottles so she has more rhythm. It also bothers him that I breastfeed in front of his family.

For my part, the person who will make me give up these moments shared with my daughter and all the benefits that this brings her in terms of health has not yet been born. I know I don’t have much time to dedicate to my partner right now (and I think this is the crux of the problem because he feels neglected) but I’m in the midst of postpartum and I don’t want to be held responsible.

I need your help

Lulu

Daronne’s response

Hello, hello, hello, my little Mamoune of love,

In a world where I would be the supreme leader of humanity, my response would be as concise as it is magnanimous: Your boyfriend just needs to go and show off in front of the Greeks, stop everyone! Goodbye Bichachos!

This world would be egalitarian and free, because I would be a world leader whose power wouldn’t go to her head (but of course). Everyone can act as they want, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone (as in your case).

I would condemn all intruders to courses that teach them simple and effective ways to take care of their buttocks exclusively. This wasn’t about your boyfriend, since in this ideal world men would be deconstructed at birth and therefore see breastfeeding for what it is: a fantastic way to feed your child.

As you may have understood, today the world is not ruled by good old Daronne, oh no. And in our real society, women’s bodies belong to adult men. It is therefore normal that they feel entitled to express an opinion on the issue.

Without being mean, I can also understand that breastfeeding isn’t always easy for co-parents. What I find most difficult to understand, however, is why these dads always consider before finally stopping. They may rack their brains and propose compromises instead of sacrificing their partner’s desires on the altar of their own comfort and ego.

Let’s take the passion out of breastfeeding

I swear, the whole breastfeeding thing is boring as hell. You don’t even have to have an opinion. We argue about something that only affects six months and often only covers a year or two of a childhood, lasting on average until the death of the parents.

We must dispassionate this debate. Like anything else, breastfeeding has pros and cons for co-parents. For some mothers, breastfeeding allows them to form a close bond with their baby, and the other parent may harbor feelings of exclusion that they sometimes experience. But, if this co-parent was four months old, and had a bottle of hot milk available, he would not spontaneously head towards the dry well at home. It’s not pleasant to be compared to a dry well, I agree.

That said, let’s not give things the importance they don’t have. A four-month-old baby who wants to find his mother does not say to himself: Oh no! Here’s my father again! When will he finally understand that I hate him and will always understand him? But rather : But he’s not the one who gets me food. Where is it to eat it? What do I do if I don’t eat it? I want my food nearby! In case !

I also understand that logistical constraints bother him. However, the examples you provide are not specific to breastfeeding. If the baby drank his bottle, he wouldn’t take it out of his hands to leave and at four months I doubt the cherub would be able to keep the bottle in his comfortable maxi. Maybe it suggests that you would be able to manage it better, even if it is a possibility, diversification opens doors for you and with it a universal awareness: children do not eat at a fixed time and when they are hungry they must be fed.

The time span of exclusive breastfeeding is sufficiently short so that this “distance” does not jeopardize the continuation of a relationship that should last a lifetime. You are absolutely right to experience this postpartum at your own pace and not pressure yourself about it.

Instead of complaining and making bogus excuses why no one is paying attention to him, your partner can start by positioning himself with a caring companion. In the coming months he will be able to invest more and more parts of his growing daughter’s life. He will find you too, grateful for having been able to carry out this project that was dear to you. It pays to be patient.

Continue without trying to convince anyone

Discuss your respective states, postpartum is so difficult that sometimes we forget that it doesn’t last a lifetime.

Nothing forces your man to sign up for Leche League. He also has the right to think whatever he wants on the subject, as long as he has the decency to keep his opinion to himself. Letting things go to make someone else happy is also perfectly acceptable. Especially when it comes to a very anecdotal and temporary horse and the assimilated discomfort is not destined to settle.

In exchange, you can accept a deal regarding his family. I know #breastfeed everywhere, alwaysBut #real life also and #real life often requires us to pay, for eternal reflections, 10 minutes of tit. It’s not worth shooting. As I said above, let’s stop dramatizing this debate and happily breastfeed.

I’ll leave you, I need to sort out my nursing clothes before I deliver them to the resource center.

The kiss,

Your Daronne

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