Raising a boy after #MeToo: between fears and responsibilities

For Louise, mother of a one-year-old boy, the announcement of the baby’s gender was accompanied by many questions and sleepless nights. “I had a dizzy feeling,” recalls the 30-year-old. After all, it’s a big responsibility to raise a boy today. The fight against inequalities and violence against women necessarily requires a change in the mentality and behavior of men. The education of children is therefore an important issue. I am he asked me if I would measure up. »

The #MeToo movement has undoubtedly had an impact on our approach to raising children. Highlighting the extent of violence women face, she also revealed the persistence of sexist behavior and manly thought patterns among many men. Faced with the injunction of ” protect the girls feminists responded with a call to educate children “. Something to put pressure on future parents.

Feminist education versus sexist society

Aurélia Blanc, journalist and author of the book You will be a feminist man, my son (Marabout, 2018), she realized the weight of these apprehensions during pregnancy. ” To my great surprise I discovered that the prospect of waiting and especially raising a child upset me quite a bit. One of my big questions was asking myself: how do you raise a boy from a feminist perspective, in a society that remains deeply sexist? “, explains. A question that will lead her to write this anti-sexist education manual.

Parental influence obviously has its limits. And despite advances in this area, raising a feminist boy is still an almost daily battle against our cultural and social norms. ” Two male models live together. One, old, based on a virile masculine ideal and the other more recent that integrates values ​​such as respect for women, equality between the sexes or the non-use of violence. Even if this archetype of the dominant and superior man is called into question, our society is struggling to get out of this old model completely. We remain in a world focused on performance and profit, with an emphasis on social function and children’s lower tolerance for failure. In these conditions, it is difficult to turn to values ​​such as empathy. Faced with these contradictions, parents, like children, are a bit lost », explains Christine Castelain Meunier, CNRS sociologist and author of What if we reinvented children’s education? (Nathan, 2020).

This opposition between two models and this absence of a clear roadmap on what male identity is make raising boys a sometimes complex balancing act.

Further guilt for mothers

” As feminist parents, raising a daughter can feel more rewarding. It is about emancipation and independence. The idea with a guy is to make sure he doesn’t become part of the problem later on. Inevitably we wonder if it won’t be too heavy “says Aurelia Blanc.

A less obvious and positive transmission, which can give rise to many feelings of guilt. Especially since the image of the feminist mother is still linked to a number of caricatures. ” When you say you want to raise your child in a feminist way, there are all the cliches of the castrating mother who wants to eradicate men. I was entitled to jokes like “with such a feminist mother, your child is in bad shape”. We must compose between the fear of losing our children’s feminist education, but also that of doing too much and making them guilty of something beyond their control. “says Louise.

So many apprehensions that add to the long list of questions and usual feelings of guilt of mothers. ” However feminist and necessary it may be, this duty to educate children about equality and gender issues remains an additional injunction that comes first for mothers. It’s important to make them feel guilty and to remember that in the end we do what we can in a society that doesn’t help us much. “says Aurelia Blanc.

Especially since in this fight against gender stereotypes the role of fathers and men in general is essential. Christine Castelain Meunier is convinced of this. ” Exemplary behavior plays a crucial role. There is, for example, the problem of rethinking the role of the father. Having a father figure made up of presence and bonds based on sensitivity, affection and humanity will help change things. The more there will be models of men, in quotation marks, of values ​​that will be affirmed, the more we will progress… but this represents a balance of power on the scales of history. »

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