Being the “good girl” at my business school ended up ruining my life

May 25, 2020

Sexism in big schools is increasingly discussed and increasingly denounced.

I experienced this myself in my business school and my friend’s engineering school at the time. If I denounce this ordinary high school sexism today, then I liked it, surprising as it may seem. I participated in it and in that atmosphere I spent some of the best years of my life.

But as you can imagine, I was disappointed afterwards. Pushed “to the top of the pyramid” through my sexualization, I ended up feeling like shit for the same reasons.

Ordinary sexism in my business school

As soon as I arrived at my business school and caught up in the euphoria of a very corporate climate (with hazing and songs), I absolutely did not question certain practices.

To the dubious songs of “Three years are allowed aaaaant” AND ” Nooooos pompoms are saloooopes”, I laughed with the others. I was a cheerleader and I was excited by a certain form of notoriety that came through the reputation of “good” girl, as reflected in the chants that circulated in our team at the time.

I was “good” in my uniform and I liked it.

In my school gossip was rife and everyone knew everything about everyone. Having sex or just kissing a guy in the evening meant that all students knew about it the next day.

Worry : these whispers and rumors weren’t free from sexismreduction of chicks to their sexuality e shame on the bitch.

Back then we could see the additions of our friends’ friends on Facebook. It was very common that as soon as a guy added a girl to his friends list, the pleases they rain their share of sometimes (often) inappropriate comments. Chambering her friend because he’s attracted to a girl and got burned by adding her on Facebook, OK, why not. Comment “Does it suck? » and collect 100 pleases on the said comment, which will be seen by the whole school… Let me find it VERY mean.

Of course all of this was apologized in the name of the “funny” and “good kid” character of this high school culture. where I belonged at the time.

And even though, for example, I liked the idea of ​​guys fantasizing about me in a pom-pom skirt, even though I laughed with others at the gossip, I felt a little uncomfortable at the idea of ​​myself being the butt of comments about the my sexuality.

I never slept with anyone from my school and I think subconsciously it was so I didn’t have to endure stares in the corridors or whispers while reviewing exams in the library. So I went elsewhere.

How I established myself through my sexualization

A friend from high school ended up at the engineering school next door; this place quickly became my and my girlfriends’ headquarters, where almost all of us soon found a boyfriend.

In a school that welcomes only 10% of girls, arriving on an ultra-good evening had little effect. We felt fresher than ever amidst a horde of VERY interested suitors, who didn’t have much choice at their school, and my friend was very proud to bring 10 girls back to his arm.

It’s very cliché, but that’s how it really happened.

Start a race for popularity based on our sexualization. The sexiest possible outfits, the sensual dances and the “drinks” during the (alcoholic) evenings have given us a certain notoriety. It made us laugh a lot, and the advantage is that we didn’t have to meet people and accept what they will say about everyday life, since we don’t study in this school…

At that time I had an appointment with a boy from school, Vincent, who didn’t hesitate to tell all his classmates about it. That he sometimes reserved for me (I swear it’s true) a guard of honor accompanied by a greeting on my arrival in the entrance hall of the residence.

One day, one of our nightly “sex exploits” leaked over the loudspeaker all over the school. After that, I was regularly contacted by students about it.

I was sexualized, I played with that sexualization and I loved it. All these escapades made us laugh a lot with my girlfriends, and I have very happy memories of this time. Only that later I suffered a lot from this sexualization.

In hindsight, I realize that in that moment I was a trophy for Vincent: the inaccessible cheerleader from the school next door, whom he had managed to get into her bed.

My double-edged sexualization in high school

I think a woman can assert herself through her sexuality and sexualize herself if she wants, and even empower herself by overturning sexist codes: if men see us through the prism of our desirability, why not play with it to climb the ladder?

But for this we must be aware that our worth is NOT based on our desirability. It wasn’t my case.

deep inside me, I understood that my worth as a woman was based on my ability to please the male sex.

How do you build healthy self-esteem when you were the “star” of a school, but our popularity was based on our looks, our status as sexy cheerleaders, and our sexual “ability”?

When our boyfriend told us over and over that we were “good”, “too good”, “really good”, but not once we were “smart”, “funny”, “cool” and never wanted to get involved with us when we were madly in love?

How can you trust yourself when you feel too fresh on the outside but crap on the inside?

Of course, my experience of sexism and my high school sexualization aren’t directly responsible for my lack of self-worth. But looking back, I realize that these events have played an active role in it, in a very insidious way.

And when all that time and my relationship was over, I felt like an empty shell.

Nor was I satisfied with sexualizing myself and playing with my sexualization: I myself participated in a form of environmental sexism trojan shaman actively my boyfriend Vincent’s ex, with a reputation as a “bomb” and “fighter plane” at school.

Above all, I wanted to dethrone her to become THE queen. I called her a bitch and spent time physically comparing myself to her (yes, I clearly thought I was into it gossip Girl).

I’m not proud of it.

Sexism and sexualization in the Grandes Ecoles: phenomena to be deconstructed!

I don’t know if the mentality in the big schools is particularly sexist or if it only acts as a magnifying glass of the great trends of our society, with an exacerbation of certain behaviors with a “small village” effect and a race for popularity.

However, in my opinion, some things need to be deconstructed.

The atmosphere of a Grande Ecole can thus favor the sexualization of female students and their affirmation. Which can be nice, of course.

Only that it is a double-edged sexualization. Some girls, like me, can feel reduced to this. And if you play audio sex appeal it can bring fame, it can also turn against itself by accompanying itself with not necessarily easy to bear voices and labels, as well as shame on the bitch.

Between the reputation of a presumptuous girl and that of a girl who is too liberated, the balance is fragile.

These environments in which the sexualization of girls, the enforcement of sexual performance in boys and ordinary sexism coexist They also constitute fertile ground for the culture of rape, that is, the trivialization of sexual violence.

In my school, the word was released and many girls, on condition of anonymity or with their faces uncovered, testified of sexual assaults and rapes they suffered.

The administration has created a unit to combat sexism and sexual assault, and mindsets are changing amid the new promotions.

Things are moving and I hope it continues!

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