Margot, 22: “It took me 2 years before I reinstalled an app”

• First name : Margot
• Age : 22 years old
• Place of life : Lyon (Rhône)
• Sexual and/or romantic orientation : bisexual

How long have you been single?

Always. I’ve always been single but I still had a few appointments: on average 3 or 4 a year. I started doing this when I was 20 years old. I think it’s because we were coming out of confinement and without saying I was lonely, I wanted to meet people. And then I got on TikTok and after a few videos I got pretty positive comments, so I had a little bit of a confidence boost.

As far as who I date, I’d like to say that I don’t have a particular style, but when after 5 dates with 5 different people, I realize they were all in art or design school, and I tell myself that finally, maybe I have a particular style.

I do dates more often with girls than with boys. It hurts me to admit it, but I don’t always trust a guy and I’m afraid something will happen to me. We hear many things, since they end tragically…

After, I rarely made it past the second date. Sometimes it’s me who isn’t particularly interested in the person and therefore I don’t see the reason to insist. Sometimes it’s the other way around, I’ve had fun and I like the person, but it’s not reciprocated. So she stops there. It doesn’t make me particularly sad, I don’t feel like I lost the love of my life because I didn’t get a second date. What saddens me is the “subsequent second dates” that lead nowhere. It may sound silly, but a second date is a small hope, we tell ourselves that perhaps the person is here to stay and that we will live a little story. Hope is dangerous when you’re on dates.

How would you describe your singleness?

Like I’ve never known anything else, celibacy is familiar to mea bit like a family jewel that we have had since birth and that we keep a little against our will.

Does being single affect your friendship or family life?

I wouldn’t say it has a friendly influence. Or maybe in the sense that I have a few more friends than others. Crushes that fade, dates that become friends…

At the family level, I feel like I’m single. It’s not heavy, but people point it out to me or blame me for being secretive. I think it reassures my family to imagine that I have a secret romantic life rather than admitting that I’m still single.

Do you think being single has a daily impact on your morale?

Rather no than yes. My life has always been like this, so I don’t feel much of an impact. Sometimes it makes me a little sad, I feel that something is missing or I want to share what is happening, my wishes and emotions. But like everything, it passes.

Does being single allow you things that you couldn’t do as a couple?

Hmm, yes. It’s not even day and night, but when I think of my friends who are in a relationship and they tell me about their relationship, I realize that I have certain “freedoms” : I’ve never stressed or even asked if a haircut, a color, a tattoo, a piercing could affect my relationship. I’ve never had to wonder if the person I’m dating takes it badly that I see this or that person. I’m not afraid of being cheated on, I don’t have to share my bed… Nothing really great, but there must be some perks!

Conversely, does it stop you from doing things you could do if you were in a relationship?

Even there I think it’s the same thing, nothing incredible but suddenly I just can’t do something a bit romantic like a couple’s dinner. I can eat alone, sure, but I have to give up tender gestures. Thinking about it, methere are many things i can do by myself or with a friend., but the intention is not the same. Some experiences may be better as a couple.

Are you actively trying to find a romantic relationship?

Actively is not the right word. I’m on Tinder, but I don’t go every day, or for a short time. Every 2-3 months for 2-3 weeks I go there regularly, talk to a few matches, make 1 or 2 appointments and after I stop because I get tired of the app.

I first downloaded the app at a sleepover with my best friend in my freshman year of college. But I really didn’t like the vibe, the guys just wanted one night stands and the girls, well you had to find them… It took me 2 years before I reinstalled an app, Fruitz. It was promising and fun, but after 2 rather disappointing dates with girls, I deleted the app and reinstalled Tinder.

Today, I’m more relaxed about apps, I worry less. I know a lot of people are there for one night stands, but now there’s a little thumbnail that says what people are looking for that’s clearer. And then, I do it less with the will to find absolute love, so I have less pressure.

Does being single in love impact your sex life? Are you actively seeking to meet one or more sexual partners (temporary or regular)?

Why even if it means having nothing, might as well do nothing, i’m a virgin. So it is certain that on applications and even during meetings, a small block is created right away. On the one hand we have a bit of shared embarrassment, even if we often hear about those whose mission is to be the first time for more girls, the reality is that this is rarely the case. Girls don’t particularly want to spend the night explaining to you how it’s done and the boys are a little afraid that you will change your mind at the last moment or that you will not feel comfortable. And while they try to tell us that being a virgin isn’t that important, I dare you to go skydiving with a stranger and I hope they know how! It’s the same for the first time with someone you don’t know.

More seriously, it’s always a fun little anecdote to go out on a night out, new ones are shocked, you’re asked if it’s because you have a vocation to be a nun and it leads to very interesting conversations about sexuality, but it makes things get more and more complicated over time .

Do you feel a form of injunction to have an affair?

That’s fine for now, but I think once I’m over 25, if I haven’t had someone yet, it’s going to start to become a social pressure and even a little personal.

In truth, a year more or less substantially, what changes? Not much, except that 25 years, it’s a quarter of a centuryMany of us have parents who had their first child at this age or were married. So even though we know today that people get married and have kids after that, I think the number marks. 25 quarters of life, empty quarters in love, makes you think. And then at that age, many have known love or something like that.

What are your plans for the future? Does celibacy have an impact on these desires and projections?

I definitely want to get married, it’s always been a dream. But I don’t want children, in any case I don’t want 80%. I think again it might happen later but a lot of people are in the same situation as me and don’t want to. For the moment, I don’t see myself married for a while, so I don’t think my single status affects my plans that much, at least not yet.

Do you have an anecdote about being single to share?

Once out of curiosity, when I was 18, I asked my mother how she would react if I told her I was pregnant. Her answer? “I’d be happy for you, it would mean that you finally met someone. »

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