Lila, 26 years old: “Sometimes I miss tenderness, even sex”

• Name or nickname : Lilac*

• Age : 26 years
• Single since then : 3 years
• Place of life : in Nantes (Loire-Atlantique)
• Sexual and romantic orientation : heterosexual

How long have you been single?

Only for 3 years, I live my celibacy very well. While I’m open to a possible meeting, I don’t feel the need to find someone. i like being aloneand learned to truly enjoy my own company.

How would you describe your relationship with being single?

I first fell in love when I was 13. I was secretly in love with this guy until I was 15 when he literally broke my heart.

After that I decided that I didn’t need to be in love to be fulfilledcontrary to the ideas transmitted by all romcom. I also thought it was unfair that girls were called sluts when they were just having fun with multiple partners, when it was socially rewarding for boys. So I decided to have fun without getting carried away, like the boys, and not to accept criticism. Getting into a relationship didn’t interest me at all. From the age of 15 to 22 I had about ten partners, for more or less long periods, sometimes I saw several in the same period. Most were very good friends.

At 22 I started feeling uncomfortable after my intercourse and i stopped seeing guys. I wanted to live a love story. But not at all costs, with anyone. When I turned 24, I met my first (and currently only) boyfriend. We lived a very beautiful story, full of respect and communication. We were very much in love. We separated on excellent terms after 7 months of relationship. We are still in touch.

Since then I’ve been single and although I would like to fall in love again, I won’t force anything. I’m really lonely, so it must be because I’ve met someone who’s really right for me.

Read also: Blu, 19: “One-night stands recharge my emotional batteries”

Does being single affect your friendship or family life?

My celibacy has allowed me to invest much more in my friendships and to form unbreakable bonds with my friends.

Do you think being single has a daily impact on your morale?

Sometimes I miss tenderness, even sex. When I have PMS, sometimes I think that I’m not lovable, that no one could fall in love with someone like me, and that saddens me. But after a good cry, I can rationalize.

Do you think being single allows you things you couldn’t do as a couple?

I realized that despite myself, when I’m in love, I put my partner and my life as a couple before my desires or needs. I do it naturally because I’m in love and want the best for each other. Being single is so beneficial to me., who is currently resuming my studies. For once I put myself ahead of everything else.

Conversely, do you think being single prevents you from doing things you could do if you were in a relationship?

NO, I do whatever I want to do. Go to the cinema, even to the restaurant. I don’t feel like depriving myself of anything because I’m single.

Are you actively trying to find a romantic relationship?

No, I’m not actively looking. If it happens, all the better, otherwise I’m fine with it. I feel more pressure from my friends to find me new friends in my new city than a lover. So no pressure there.

Does being single in love impact your sex life?

YES ! I have no sex life and two or three times a month I tell myself that I should at least try to find a steady partner if not a lover. But as far as finding a possible romantic partner, I want to find someone good and respectful and I don’t have any energy to devote to it.

Do you feel a form of injunction to have an affair?

Sometimes from the people I hang out with at school. It’s like I pity them. It bothers me because I’m very good at it. It’s super condescending of them.. Especially since some are clearly in a relationship out of spite or stay in a relationship for rent (their words), which I find ten times worse!

Do you have an anecdote about being single to share?

I spent so many years alone that one day my father told me that if I was a lesbian I could tell him and that he would be very happy for me. I was 22 and I had never talked to him about anyone! I replied that I would rather since women were better behaved than men and that I probably would have already been with someone if that were the case. ! But unfortunately I’m heterosexual and I have to find my rare pearl in the midst of a flood of unbuilt men.

Thanks to Lila* for answering our questions about her celibacy!

*Name has been changed.