Blu, 19: “One-night stands recharge my emotional batteries”

• Name or nickname :Blue
• Age : 19 years
• Place of life : In Lyon
• Sexual and romantic orientation : pansexual and panromantic

How long have you been single?

Officially, I haven’t been in a relationship since March 2020.

How would you describe your singleness?

I like being single I feel better this way. It allowed me to get to know myself better, even to respect myself better. So it sure is sometimes we feel lonely especially when I see most of my relatives and friends living nice and long relationship I tell myself I wish I had the same thing someday but most of the time it’s just a feeling it’s nice to tell me that I’m single and that I’m fine like this. Then being single does not deprive me of the right to affection and attentionboth with my friends, and having flings once in a while.

Since my first official relationship when I was 14, I have been involved in many other relationships since then. It never lasted long, it always ended badly or very badly, so one day I got bored and decided I was going to be alone for a while. The problem is, I’ve always known exactly what I wanted from a relationship, and for a long time, I still invested in relationships that didn’t meet my standards and/or needs, because of this pressure from society and my entourage who absolutely wanted me to find someonethis pressure which gave me a real fear of celibacy for a while.

The day I managed to get rid of all that, I realized that I was actually doing very well on my own and there was no rush. If great love falls on me one day then why notbut in the meantime I don’t need to invest myself in relationships that make me doubt myself just to please others.

Does being single affect your friendship or family life?

There are some friends that I don’t see as much as I would like since they are in a relationship, whyhave caught this disease which only affects couples because they only want to date other couples, but it is not the majority of my friends luckily. With my family it also has an impact, every time I go back to see them I am entitled to the classic “And how are loves going? You know your cousin has a new boyfriend, it’s great, and you don’t have anyone? When do you find someone to introduce us? ». I feel this pressure a lotthey want to see me as a couple, and when I say I’m fine alone, they tell me I haven’t met the right person yet.

Do you think being single has a daily impact on your morale?

Not really, I feel good in my celibacy. Sometimes I feel lonely, but I just have to go and have a beer with friends and it’s better. Sometimes, I admit it’s not enough, I want intimacy, so sometimes I have one night or a few flings just long enough to recharge my emotional batteries.

Do you think being single allows you things you couldn’t do as a couple?

Completely. Every time I’ve been in a relationship, it’s like you have obligations to each other : having to see each other regularly with a minimum of 3 times a week, having to entertain each other by proposing outings, having to make gifts for our 1 month old, 6 month old baby, for Valentine’s Day…, having to reply to messages within the hour otherwise c ‘is something strange… Except that Sometimes I just want to turn off my phone to visit friends in peaceor lying in bed watching series for 3 days or more, or I don’t have the energy or money for entertainment or gifts.

And even aside from this matter of obligation that may not be true in all couples, there’s also the fact that I want to live my life and explore as much as I want. And being in a relationship, I get the impression that it’s more complex in the sense that what you do can affect the other as well and where you need to discuss that before you start. When we are single, our decisions are up to usthere is no need to ask anyone for their opinion, I have the impression that we feel freer.

Conversely, do you think being single prevents you from doing things you could do if you were in a relationship?

Definitely yes, if only at the level of intimacy with someone. When you are in a relationship, it is another trust that settles, you can indulge in more things in the context of intimacy, both sexual and relationship. We tell each other things more easily and it allows us to explore a whole new aspect of relationships that we are not allowed into when we are single or have only more or less casual flings. But I think that’s the only thing I see as impossible for me in my celibacy and would be possible in a couple, the rest of what’s possible in a couple seems possible to me in my celibacy as well.

Does the geographic location where you live impact your relationship with romantic relationships?

In a big city it’s easier to meet people, but it’s also easier to meet bad people. Everything goes faster in the city, everything has a predefined duration, even relationships. Personally, I have more adventures since I live in the city because it’s easier. Because it seems to me much more difficult to find love in a big city, and also because I’m not looking for it either.

Are you actively trying to find a romantic relationship?

Not particularly, if it falls on me so much better, if not too bad.

Do you feel some pressure to “actively” seek out a romantic partner?

Yes, often when meeting people, I’m immediately asked if I’m in a relationship or not, when I say no, I’m told that “Oh don’t worry, sooner or later it will happen to you too”, as if it were a fatality. My family also pushes me a lot towards this goal, as if they feared I’d be alone for life (although the idea wouldn’t bother me at all). And then, even on a daily basis, all the movies, all the series I watch, even when they’re not romantic comedies, there’s always a love story somewhere, the hero can’t be single, let’s see, he needs a beautiful love story to complete her quest!

Does being single in love impact your sex life?

NO, being single doesn’t stop me from using dating apps, sometimes just for the occasional fling, sometimes more normal folks for a few months. Most of the time I don’t actively seek out, if it happens so much the better, otherwise I’ll get by myself, but sometimes I have to admit I want human contact, so I go there for the peace of mind of a stand up night.

Do you think being single has an impact on your finances?

When I’m in a relationship, or even when I go out with someone, I always spend much more than when I’m alone, I go to the cinema, I order food, I go out, I give gifts… When I’m single , everything I do when I have the desire and the means . I feel much less obligated to do so, so I inevitably spend more sensibly.

What are your plans for the future?

I hope to make a career in film and I don’t really see myself as a couple. First, because it’s not a necessity for me, but also because I don’t think the profession I aspire to will allow me to maintain a healthy and regular relationship. What is certain is that it doesn’t matter whether or not I end up in a relationship, I don’t want a child, and I know that this can be a factor that will complicate relationships as we progress in life, that we encounter people who resent them and with whom, suddenly, we cannot imagine a common future.

Do you have an anecdote about being single to share?

When we are single, at least there is no one to steal our clothes or food, we can afford to be completely selfish without bothering anyone!

Thanks to Blue for answering our questions!