La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice covered in a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to rescue a reader!
The question for Daronne
Dear Daronne, I separated from the father of my children two years ago. There is no discomfort between us. I’m in a relationship again and my ex too. The problem is that I can’t stand his new girlfriend, she always exaggerates with the kids and me, she talks bullshit after bullshit, we have nothing in common… Above all because she lives with my ex and therefore our children also live with his new partner… It pisses me off that my kids live with her, I don’t know what to do? Should I try hard to get along with her? Tell my ex what I think?
Christine
My little box of Legos
How I understand your pain: already sharing your children’s education with someone you appreciate, more often than not, it’s not a walk in the park, but then when you can’t stand it, it’s hell. Afterwards, excuse me, but it’s also partly your fault, young people, if you find yourself in situations like this. By dint of wanting to be happy at all costs, even if this means separating to be much more fulfilled afterwards, you expose yourself to the risk of seeing a new spouse enter the bag of surprises in your life: we don’t really know what you’ll find in it, but there is a way it is rotten. BRIEF.
Even if you don’t support your ex’s current choice, it’s perfectly possible to handle this situation with good intelligence. I guarantee you, good intelligence is not the funniest thing. We can neither complain nor foment Machiavellian plans without appearing as if the whole world discovers that the other is just a great task. We must be polite and friendly… Pfffff what do you want, you doomed yourself to an eternity of making reasonable decisions the day your children were born and your decisions began to involve them. Because if adult relationships go bad, ok, it stinks for adults, but it doesn’t smell like roses even for children who have nothing to do with it.
How do we get along when we don’t like each other?
No one is forcing you to get along with her, what a fun idea. You already have to cancel three times before you finally get to have lunch with your best friend, you won’t worry about a friendly relationship that you would never have had in another context. But saying hello, goodbye and having real discussions only with the children, commits nothing and allows you to pretend that everything is fine. And everyone likes this when everything goes well. This means, for example, that you cannot criticize her in front of your children. A reader was already a victim two weeks ago of one of these dirty traitors and it ended really badly. That said, you also can’t criticize her in front of your boyfriend, or the relationships you have in common. It’s getting crowded, but it’s for the best. It allows you to keep a positive mind because spitting turns your brain black. It also allows you to have nothing to reproach yourself with, if your ex’s new girlfriend shared your feelings, but not your noble way of behaving.
Finally, if his behavior towards your children bothers you, because it violates your values or harms the safety or well-being of your children, you obviously need to clear things up with your ex. Difference and flexibility, yes. Anything, no.
Spare that poor woman a little
Despite your description, I have sympathy for this woman. The poor man arrives in an already formed family. She has to assume mother-in-law status right away because her single dad needs someone to share the burden of parenting. And finally, she feels that the children’s mother doesn’t like it. Imagine the pressure, I know very decent people who, even under minor stress, saw stupid as oysters.
Whatever the reason why the current doesn’t pass, as long as it doesn’t hurt your children and still respect you (and vice versa, eh), there’s nothing to be done. Just remember that it is good for a child to mix with different ways of life and so onone more adult who loves them is never one more adult.
Who knows, you might even become friends one day, unexpectedly and magically, between romantic comedy and social drama. And then you will laugh, tender and accomplice, at your past misunderstandings.
I leave you, I’m too moved, I swear,
bisette,
Your daronne
Source: Madmoizelle
Mary Crossley is an author at “The Fashion Vibes”. She is a seasoned journalist who is dedicated to delivering the latest news to her readers. With a keen sense of what’s important, Mary covers a wide range of topics, from politics to lifestyle and everything in between.
