Why it is essential to talk about money before having a child

Love and harmony do not prevent the pitfalls of the heterosexual couple. Especially when you decide to have a baby. The arrival of a child weakens the mother’s financial balance in the long run, whereas the father will see his income and assets increase. While waiting for society to evolve (one day, who knows?), the birth of a child must give rise to certain adjustments that are neither pleasant nor amusing, but which will protect the future mother.

After the birth of a child, women become impoverished

Journalist and author Titiou Lecoq, a specialist in social and feminist issues, has dedicated her latest book “ The couple and the money to home finances. His concluding observation corroborates the various studies published in recent years: the heterosexual couple impoverishes women, especially when they become mothers. For every day The world, the author makes a heartbreaking inventory:

According to an INSEE study published in 2019 on the professional trajectories of women, they will lose on average 25% of their wage income in the five years following the arrival of a child, while the fathers’ income remains stable, and sometimes increases (… ) for a promotion we will think of the employee who has children, because he is responsible, he must provide for his family (…) while, for the woman, it will be exactly the opposite: an employee with a young child is perceived as demobilized.

Titiou Lecoq, The world, January 25, 2023

When a child is born, one in two women reduces or stops working altogether, against one in nine men.

The financial sacrifice of mothers

Society still regards mothers as primarily responsible for raising children and this imposed role deters them from taking interesting but challenging opportunities:

(…) We realized that mothers, in their job search, favor being close to home or school; so they potentially give up a better-paying job, telling themselves they must remain geographically available.

Titiou Lecoq, Le Monde, 25 January 2023

While women on average have lower incomes than their spouses and cannot afford to accumulate equivalent wealth, it is still their assets that often cover day-to-day purchases:

Sociologist Delphine Roy, who has dealt with the distribution and marking of money within couples, has studied couples who do not pool money. (…) Despite [la femme] has a lower salary, he will use it first to pay for what makes life for the family: groceries, school fees, etc. And the spouse will calculate how much is missing and then complete.

Titiou Lecoq, Le Monde, 25 January 2023

Put things right before the birth

Far from being the preserve of a few toxic couples, these insidious mechanisms affect us all and the figures prove it: we cannot count on the love and good will of our partner.

Titiou Lecoq is considering several ways to correct the situation:

• The creation of a joint account, intended to receive all the salaries of each, accompanied by two private accounts reserved for personal expenses, provided that the same sums are paid into it every month, regardless of income.
• Marriage under the community of property regime.
• Contribute to all items of expenditure, up to your income. In the event of separation, this prevents one from ending up with a car when the other shopping employee ends up with empty packaging.

To put all this dish, and untangle what has to do with the practical and the emotional, only one solution: talk about it while there’s still time:

(…) First: you have to ask the other about his relationship with money, to belittle the subject. Once we’ve talked about the neurotic side, we can talk about accounting. To do this, you must have a financial education. There are tools, social media accounts, books like this comic, Citizen money!by Héloïse Boll and Insaff El Hassini.

To stop being impoverished, we face the problem head-on, even if it means raising angry arguments and finally confronting our comrades with their contradictions and privileges.

Photo credit image by one: Ivonne Wierink

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