My boyfriends father keeps comparing me to his ex whom he loved

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice covered in a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to rescue a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years. On one detail everything is fine: his father doesn’t love me and he makes me understand. He adored his ex and never misses an opportunity to remind me.

At every family reunion she makes fun of what I say or do, making it clear that that machine, she, she had studied, and then she liked this or that dish… In short, I can’t take it anymore.

My boyfriend doesn’t dare say anything and advises me to let it go, because his father is “like that” and we won’t change him. I tried everything to make me look good. Of course, I help set the table and clear away the tables, but I also always bring a small gift, I give compliments, I ask questions, but nothing helps. How to fix things

Hydrangea

Daronne’s answer

my little palm tree,

I’m not anyone’s mother-in-law myself, so I don’t have hard proof of what I’m saying, but given all the crazy in-law testimony I get, I think the day your son seriously commits to a relationship, the public authorities they issue you with a welcome kit that includes a brain-exempt certificate and a lifetime membership card the friendly of big assholesa club that brings together lovers of meanness.

But don’t worry, we won’t be bothered, you’ll see!

The in-laws, these sensitive beings

Sometimes your son brings you the ideal son-in-law or son-in-law, the crush is immediate, it’s osmosis. But can you love this newcomer like your own kid, and even more than the pissed off one we’ve wrestled with for 30 years who dropped out of business school at 10k a year to launch his own stroboscope start-up, this wonderful chosen one it can leave our lives in the snap of a finger. And I get that it hurts my ass to have to draw a line under someone so perfect out of loyalty to his brat.

But that’s life and time does its thing (this sentence is flatter than Belgium.). Often our child ends up being resettled. Naturally, he makes the introductions. Sometimes the current flows again, but it also happens that one finds one’s tastes in a new partner really rotten. It happens and it’s not that bad. Can you imagine if we loved all the individuals that populate this planet? But that would be exhausting!

In short, not getting along is life, it makes family reunions interminable despite attempts to get discreetly drunk with the old prune stepmother. But that’s fine, as long as everyone plays along and no one forgets the fundamental notion of respect. Only it’s a principle your stepfather obviously doesn’t master. And this is not possible. Even if you want to fit in, even if you want to be loved, you don’t have to go through that. It has to end. Especially since, in my opinion, your wildest efforts won’t change anything. A perfectly sane and cordial person doesn’t suddenly turn into a harpy on the pretext that her dear son is changing girlfriends.

Does your boyfriend not want to shake off some fleas?

You ask me what you can do to fix things and I want to tell you: nothing. Here you are. I think you’re already doing enough. You show up to family reunions where you know you’ll have a good time and you bend over backwards to get accepted, that’s enough. If nothing can convince your stepfather that you deserve to be treated well, the ball is no longer in your court. And I’ll tell you where that ball is: in your man’s hands. Well yes, we are talking about you, your stepfather, but about him? It’s okay, let’s not bother him too much, or how is he doing? And then, the hit of I can’t help it, that’s it »… What is this rotten excuse? “ He kills kittens with his bare hands, but we can’t help it, he’s so – Ah well, no problem in this case! “.

Wait ! me, i want to sympathize, handle a crazy parent, it’s work. And your boyfriend isn’t the first to go through this, I tell you. But at some point, you have to know how to say enough and stop using your girlfriend as a shield. So here’s my recommendation: From now on and until your boyfriend bangs his fist on the table and gets a satisfactory result, I give you permission not to see your in-laws again. And if he stresses you out, tell yourself you’re doing him a favor: he’ll finally give them a real reason to criticize you.

Your boyfriend will try to negotiate, of course, but it’s because of his passivity that you’ve come to this. He lets him deal with his father while you get some fresh air. And if he’s trying to guilt you or push you into agreeing to encounters where you both know you’re going to have to go through hurtful thoughts, I think unfortunately he’s revealing some personality traits that I don’t recommend in a partner. I’m just saying.

I leave you, my mother and my husband are arguing, I have to referee,

bisette,

Your Daronne

Photo credit image of one: Photographic Images

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