Woman asks if she’ll be ‘brutal’ with her overweight daughter –

A mother sparked a discussion about whether it was acceptable to raise concerns about a loved one’s weight after asking her adult daughter for advice.

On the UK parenting forum Mumsnet, the worried mother said her daughter is struggling with her weight and is currently her “heaviest weight ever”, but denied it was getting any bigger.

“I am very worried about his future health. He has small children,” the woman explained. “As she grows up, she will turn into a scooter.

“She has to do something for her children and her future health. I do not want to upset her, because she has grown, but she is still my daughter ».

Commentators were split, arguing that her daughter was the only one who could make changes, and that her excess weight would only make things worse.

But others have pointed out the impact this can have on children, saying that loved ones won’t hesitate if someone is addicted to alcohol or drugs.

Explaining the situation, the worried mother wrote: “It’s likely that getting fat will piss me off, but I’m talking about my grown son and I’m worried.

“When she hit puberty, she started getting chubby. After that she did really well and lost some.

“He had an illness a few years ago that was not the cause of this weight gain, but that prevented him from exercising. He is now recovering from his illness and has a sedentary job, does not exercise, and is more overweight than ever before.

Commentators urged the mother not to say anything to her daughter and warned that no comments would help and that the motivation to lose weight must come from within.

“I told him politely, but he lies to me and to himself, saying he carries the same weight. I can see with my own eyes that it is not so. I offered to babysit so she could go to the gym/swim and pay. But when the kids are asleep and he has to get up too early to go to school and work, he makes up an excuse to be broke, which is true.

What should I do? Do your photos show how he was at the end of his illness compared to what he is now? Being cheeky about it?

A flood of commenters insisted that the only person who could motivate herself to lose weight was her daughter, arguing that even if the other person had good intentions, the advice could have the opposite effect.

‘I am very overweight. (16 stones at 5 feet 3) I know,” one wrote. “I know I have to do something about it, but I can’t motivate him. I’m a very motivated person in all other areas of my life.

“Nothing anyone says helps, it actually makes things worse. So I know it’s hard, but my advice would be to ignore it. I know you mean well, but it will only make her feel worse and less likely to do anything about it.

Others have suggested giving her daughter more practical support so she has time to hit the gym or take care of her health.

Another said she understood her mother’s concerns but admitted that commenting on her daughter’s weight would backfire.

“I’ve lost weight recently – and I’m still losing it -” she wrote. “If my mom had ever told me at any point to lose weight or look taller, I would have told her to shut up and get pretty pissed off. I knew. Your daughter knows.

“If he says anything, he’ll be embarrassed and angry and he may never see you again.”

Another admitted that this could jeopardize their entire relationship, saying, “Leave him alone. Unless you want a relationship with him. Ask me one of the reasons why I don’t talk to my mother anymore.’

However, others suggested that she provide more practical help so that her daughter has the time and space to make changes.

Some commentators have pointed out that obesity affects the entire family like alcoholism or drug addiction, and that no parent will turn a blind eye to these problems.

Someone said, “I think you should forget about the weight and think that your daughter is feeling overwhelmed.” “If you want to help, you can lose some weight – share her school career, babysit – just to give her a break – don’t suggest the gym or swim, the decision is up to her.”

He made another suggestion: ‘Could you suggest making an appointment with a nutritionist at the family doctor? Do you live close to them? Would taking a class together like Pilates or other low-impact classes help?

Another added: “You don’t have to tell him you’re overweight, but I don’t understand why you couldn’t bring the importance of his health to the fore with young children. You are his mother, you can voice your concerns for his health even if he is an adult.

“I would give a speech but only talk about health, I wouldn’t say anything about looks or looks.”

But others insisted they wouldn’t fix the problem with the message, “If an adult is abusing alcohol or drugs, it’s good to comment.”

“It would be rude to comment when an adult child abuses food. Understood.’

They continued: ‘Of course you must be able to talk, that doesn’t mean you’re judging, it doesn’t mean you’re a disgusting monster… That’s what should be normal.

“A young woman who should be in her best form and should never be normalized as obese and unbalanced.”

One commenter said, “Likewise, a drug addict and an alcoholic know their problems. This does not mean that family members need not worry or fear their inevitable premature death.

Eating full meals, immobilizing your body, covering your organs with visceral fat is a food addiction.

‘Ignoring it, pretending it doesn’t happen is beyond stupid.

Some argued that addiction affects other people in ways that obesity does not, but Mumsnet users disagreed.

“Obesity affects others,” said one. ‘You have to adapt the activities and travel arrangements to get started,

‘It wouldn’t even cross my mind to tell my obese friends/relatives that I need to walk 10km, play tennis, or even take some vacations. Not included. Like it or not, here’s what happens.

“If your parent is obese, don’t worry about the effect it has on the kids.”

Another poster voiced the same sentiments, writing: “I agree that someone who is overweight should be treated like an addict or an alcoholic, so it’s okay to talk about it, raise concerns. Express them and try to help them.

My mother-in-law’s obesity has caused a tremendous amount of stress in the family over the past 15 years, along with endless weight-related health problems. With a recent diagnosis of heart disease and angina, he is now confident that what will eventually kill him will be.”