Dominican psychologist and couples therapist Ana Simó used her advice column in Diario Libre's Vida y familia section to respond to a married woman weighing whether to leave her husband for a married man she is having an affair with.
The woman wrote to Simó explaining that her lover says he loves her and is willing to give up everything, including leaving his own life behind, if she does the same. She said she believes she loves him too, but hesitated because, in her words, he is poor.
Simó's response
Simó told the woman that the economic factor will always carry weight when deciding whether to take the next step in a relationship. But in this case, she said, money should not be the only reason the woman is struggling to decide.
Simó said the priority should be the security within the relationship itself. She pointed out that the man says he loves the woman, while the woman only says she believes she feels the same, adding that it was her role to help her see that reality clearly.
Weighing more than immediate satisfaction
Simó noted that both people involved in the affair are married, which she said should be the first thing pushing them to recognize that their decisions are not simply a leap into the unknown. She said there are other people involved, entire families and a community affected by the choice.
According to Simó, love is not measured only by the degree of immediate satisfaction, but by commitment, loyalty and the acceptance of who people really are. She said the affair may reveal what is wrong in the woman's marriage, but that does not mean she sees the full picture of the situation she is living through.
About the columnist
Ana Simó is a psychologist and sexual, family and couples therapist with a PhD in Sexuality. She directs the Centro Vida y Familia Ana Simó and writes a regular advice column for Diario Libre's Vida y familia section addressing questions on relationships, marriage and family life.
