How do we put the abuser in his/her place? 5 working life tips from movies and TV series

Abusers do not always show themselves clearly: at the beginning of a relationship, this may be the most gentle and caring man in the world, running across the city to bring a can of condensed milk, but in everyday life this mask of kindness falls off and a monster appears. Attackers may have impeccable reputations, but they treat loved ones cruelly. It all starts with thorns, words and taunts, and ends with threats and beatings. And often it is not that easy for the victim to get out of the trap. Manipulators know where to put pressure – promises of improvement, pressure for pity and the desire to save the family. We look at how you can protect yourself from an abuser using examples from movies and movies.

Tell your loved ones about your problem

TV series “Big Little Lies”

Married couple Celeste and Perry Wright, played by Nicole Kidman and Alexander Skarsgård, pointedly present a model of an abusive relationship. At first glance, everything in the family is perfect: a big house, two sons, a handsome husband and a loving wife. However, the husband regularly flies into a rage for no reason and beats his wife, who hides the beating from everyone. The problem gets worse when one of the sons begins to follow his father’s example. Celeste does nothing at first, but then she realizes that her husband is doing the same thing to girls he doesn’t know on a business trip and is threatening to ruin their lives. One of the victims of violence is his friend. If Celeste had previously kept herself apart, after sessions with a psychologist she begins to spend more time with other women and gains courage. It is the support of her loved ones that makes her strong and she manages to protect herself from the abuser. Let’s remember that manipulators try, first of all, to deprive a person of social connections, so that it is easy to control him and instill in him the idea of ​​\u200b\u200bhis own helplessness.

Keep a diary and document everything

“The Girl on the Train”

Rachel (Emily Blunt) was a victim of gaslighting by her abusive ex-husband, who destroyed her life. At first he idealizes her and is jealous of his wonderful life with his young wife, washing away his failures with alcohol, but at some point he begins to remember everything and reanimates the entire history of events. Abusers may pill or intoxicate victims to distort the picture of reality for their own purposes. To resist a skilled manipulator, it is important to keep a diary and secretly document everything that happens.

Pay attention to financial security and a new place of residence

“In bed with the enemy”

Letting go of an abuser right away is not easy for many reasons; one of them is complete financial dependence on your partner. So the heroine of Julia Roberts would live with her rich husband as in a fairy tale, if he did not regularly subject her to psychological and physical violence. And who knows how he would have ended if he hadn’t had the courage to fake his death, take some of his savings and live in another city? One way or another, it is important to be patient and be able to plan expenses so that your money is always with you. As a last resort, you can ask your loved one to protect you for a while so that you can get back on your feet and become financially independent. Then it will be harder to put pressure on you.

Learn to be independent

“Claim”

Not only men, but also women, including our parents, are abusers. In the series “Pretend,” based on a true story, a mother delegate suffers from Munchausen syndrome and not only compensates for it, but also sincerely believes that her daughter is sick. To keep her close, he is ready to deceive doctors, falsify test data and even cripple his completely healthy daughter. Abusers are afraid of losing control over the victim, so they hold him against his will under the pretext of caring. Therefore, it is important not to show your immaturity and carelessness, but to gradually defend your personal boundaries.

Take initiative and do not broadcast the victim’s behavior

“Killing Eve”

Of course, we are not trying to blame the victim for attracting the abuser. Another thing is that often manipulators choose resourceful and flexible partners. This doesn’t mean you need to change anything in your character, but it doesn’t stop you from thinking of a strategy to protect yourself from toxic people and better defend your boundaries. For example, if an abuser is attacking you with questions or making comments, you can take the initiative and ask an uncomfortable question in a joking manner. You seem to transform from a victim into a predator, thus destroying his arrogance. This is how MI5 agent Eve Polastri and assassin Villanelle must confront him.