What is future forgery and how to deal with a new type of manipulator?

At the beginning of a relationship, most people are ready to lie a little to create a good impression of themselves. It always seems to us that we are not successful enough, so we “touch up” our life in every possible way. After all, reality is boring and ordinary, and the person we love is always on a pedestal, so we tend to doubt ourselves.

But there are people who, in order to please others, not only embellish, but also invent a completely new identity for themselves. They act in such a way that they do not undermine the mosquito’s nose. Of course, all this is due not to feelings for a partner, but to personal interests.

How can we recognize a manipulator and not fall victim to his machinations?

Psychologist Khadizhat Shabueva answered this question specifically for PEOPLERALK and explained what the future fraudster is. She shared recommendations on what signs to recognize a manipulator and how to cope with the consequences of a relationship with him.

Khadizhat Shabueva, psychologist

What is future fraud?

Futurefaking literally means “falsifying the future” in English. It is a manipulative tactic in which one partner deliberately paints false pictures of a future together in order to keep the other in the relationship or get what is needed from them in the here and now. This type of manipulation is based on false promises and hopes that create the illusion of a happy future together for the victim.

The main purpose of future faking is to control and manipulate a partner’s emotions and behavior. The manipulator may talk about living together, marriage, children, travel, or other aspects of the future that they do not actually plan to implement. In relationships, these words can be used to gain trust, gain forgiveness, or even gain financially.

A striking example of future fraud is the behavior of Mr. Big in the TV series Sex and the City. He repeatedly promised Carrie a future together, but when it came to actually taking action, he always backed down. These empty promises forced the heroine to stay in the relationship, despite the disappointment and pain it caused.

Joe Goldberg from You also created the illusion of a perfect future with women whom he actually used to achieve his own goals. The promise of a life together and happiness kept the victim close while he got everything he needed.

How to spot future fraud and expose manipulators?

First of all, you need to remember that it can be difficult to spot a future scam, as manipulators are very good at playing with your emotions and your desire to believe in the best. But there are a few important signs to look out for.

No action

If future promises remain just words and are not backed up by concrete actions, this is a serious cause for caution. For example, if a person talks about moving in together but doesn’t take any action (doesn’t discuss moving plans, doesn’t introduce family members), this could be a sign of manipulation.

Instability and Inconsistency

The manipulator may frequently change their words, postpone important decisions, or avoid certain conversations about the future. This creates a sense of uncertainty in which the victim constantly expects things to get better.

Feeling used

If there is a sense in a relationship that a partner is making promises to get something specific (e.g. money, sex, forgiveness for bad behavior), this could be a sign of future fraud.

Repeating a pattern

If your partner has a history of promising more than they can deliver, this should be a red flag. People tend to repeat their manipulative patterns.

How to recover after contact with a future cheater?

Exposing the manipulator is the first and most important step toward healing. But it’s important not only to recognize that you’ve fallen victim to future fraud, but also to take concrete steps to heal.

1

Reality assessment

Once the manipulator is exposed, you need to objectively assess what promises were not kept. This will help you understand the extent of the manipulation and strengthen your desire to leave the toxic relationship.

2

Asking for support

Talking to friends, a counselor, or a support group can help you get through this difficult time. It’s important to remember that you’re not alone in your feelings and that many people are going through similar situations.

3

Setting boundaries

It’s important to learn to say no and set clear boundaries to prevent similar situations from happening again in the future. The ability to recognize manipulation and not give in to it is an important step toward emotional health.

4

Work on yourself

Psychological work on yourself will help you regain confidence and regain faith in yourself. Therapy, meditation, reading self-development literature, and other practices all contribute to recovery.

Future faking is a dangerous manipulation that can seriously damage your emotional state. By recognizing this toxic pattern and taking steps to protect yourself, you can protect your psyche from turmoil and gain confidence in new relationships.