What is ghosting in a relationship or Why do people stop communicating for no apparent reason?

If at least once in your life you were suddenly and unreasonably ignored, your messages and calls were left unanswered, then real ghosting has happened. This term entered active slang around 2015, when Sean Penn’s ex-fiancee Charlize Theron made public how harshly and uncompromisingly she cut off all communication with him some time after their engagement. The actor stopped communicating with his chosen one, forcing the latter to abandon attempts to find out what happened.

What to do if you are ignored without any reason or explanation? So why do people behave this way?

Psychologist Olga Romaniv answered these questions exclusively for The Fashion Vibes.

Olga Romaniv, psychologist

How do you know if you have been visited?

Ghosting involves the complete disappearance of a person from your life for no apparent reason. The interlocutor completely ignores calls and messages, as if becoming invisible, does not answer them or does not initiate contact. The peculiarity of this behavior is that the person being visited does not understand what caused such a reaction. It’s one thing if there was at least some explanation before that, for example: “I don’t like you anymore” or “You don’t have enough money.” And it’s quite another when a person is suddenly ignored, leaving an unpleasant taste in the mouth and causing a feeling of incompleteness.

So, you are visited by the interlocutor in the following cases:

– Sees messages (as viewed in instant messengers), but does not respond to them;

– Does not answer the phone or call back;

– Closes the profile;

– Cancels the meeting and it no longer appears on the horizon.

In other words, you are being stubbornly and deliberately ignored. If after a certain period of time a person nevertheless appears and begins to apologize and explain himself, then this is no longer a ghost, but simply very strange behavior.

Causes of ghosting

First, being ignored is very upsetting to the victim of ghosting, but there is no cost to the other party in ending the relationship by erasing the inappropriate person from your life.

Secondly, many people decide not to waste time and nerves frantically searching for a way out as soon as “the dialogue stops going well,” preferring to just forget and move on.

And finally, sometimes people visit for a reason, but because communication begins to take on a threatening character, that is, a person feels persecuted when his partner is too intrusive. And then it is worth looking at yourself and asking yourself whether you respect the personal boundaries of another.

What should ghost victims do?

If you sincerely do not understand what you are “offending”, do not take what is happening seriously. Yes, this is unpleasant and unpleasant, especially if we are talking about a friend, acquaintance, or even a loved one, but in this case there is no need to be intrusive and bombard someone with anxious messages. If you know that everything is fine with the interlocutor and the connection is working, then accept his decision and move on.

It also happens that after a while people get in touch and even begin to explain what made them do it. Listen to your interlocutor and decide for yourself whether you want to continue communicating with him now if he offers to renew the connection.

And if you are not the guest…

Sometimes we too can have a bad habit of disappearing from the sight of an inappropriate person. If this is the case for you, try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and find the strength to end the conversation briefly.

Let me give you an example. Months later, Charlize Theron decided to publicly explain why she visited poor Sean Penn. The thing is that the future husband refused to adopt her son Jackson, which was important for the actress. By the way, the very offended actress did not comment on the message of exoneration of her ex.

Therefore, it would be good to state the real reason for your reluctance to continue contact and gently tell the person about it: “I do not want to continue our relationship anymore. They are dragging me down. Thank you for your understanding.” Even such options are better than the banal “do not write or call again,” which, by the way, is also considered ghosting.