5 signs you’re an abuser

The word abuser is only associated with the old tube for most of us. But what if you yourself are quite “worthy” of such a title?

In this material, we asked Natalia Cherkasova, a certified business coach, counselor, and NLP master, to identify 5 signs of a harasser (the person who uses criticism, blame, and manipulation).

Natalia Cherkasova, business coach

1. Your mood changes often.

One of the first signs of abusive behavior is emotional fluctuation. First, you care for someone you love, surround him with care. But after a while you start to worry that your weakness will draw your attention. When you understand this, you act in a completely different way, absolutely cold.

This bothers the partner, he withdraws into himself. You feel guilty, you change your behavior and everything repeats all over again. Meanwhile, the root of the problem lies in your self-doubt.

2. It is difficult for you to give personal space to a person.

If you feel an irresistible urge to look at your partner’s phone and can’t calmly let him go to an event with his friends, it’s also a sign of abusive behavior. In this case, you are driven by a desire to control the other person and a sense of ownership towards them. Why are you doing this? because you don’t trust him.

3. You take your anger out on a person and then you feel guilty

We are talking about situations when a loved one suddenly strongly irritated you. You may not fully understand why, but you begin to actively criticize, slur or act aggressively towards him. This type of behavior makes the partner uncomfortable, so after a while your irritation is replaced by a sharp feeling of guilt and you realize that you are excited.

4. You criticize former partners

An interesting fact is that criticizing an ex can also be a sign of abuse. But don’t be in a rush to tag yourself or your friends: If you’re an abuser, you’re not doing it to gossip. The purpose of such criticism is to make the victim feel like a savior and justify their behavior.

In this case, you’re not saying “my previous partner was bad” but “I’m behaving badly because I was treated worse a year ago”. Therefore, negative feedback will be expressed primarily to a partner, not to friends. The desire to justify themselves becomes the engine of such behavior.

5. You behave differently at home than in public.

If you are sweet and friendly to unfamiliar people and cold and indifferent to loved ones, it can also be a sign of harassment. The reason for this behavior is often the desire to protect their reputation, form a positive opinion about themselves and hide their shortcomings. In doing so, you seek approval.