Successful success: PEOPLETALK columnist Nika Nabokova explains why she is against information trading

Every month, The Fashion Vibes columnist, author, author of eight best-selling popular psychology books, creator of Mindspa app (one of the top 5 mental health apps) Nika Nabokova analyzes issues that affect any of us.

We all need support, especially now. Here you will find answers to questions about yourself, as well as questions about love, life, people, relationships, fears, courage, challenges and happiness.

Nika Nabokova, The Fashion Vibes columnist, author, and a psychological service manager

I don’t like meeting of information businessmen. Of course, there are exceptions among them – really great professionals who understand what they are doing, but unfortunately, there are very few people of this type, and I would not let the dominant majority even come close to working with people.

From where? I explain.

The sale of information trading services is built around the message: “Look how cool I live (or Vasya, Petya, Masha), you can too! Anyone can do it! Just try! Use our secrets/technologies/tips and everything will be fine!”

What’s the problem? Not everyone can.

With enviable persistence in their successful success stories, they forget an important truth: we are different.

In real psychology there is such a thing as “context” to consider when talking about living people. It includes the surrounding reality, real opportunities, a person’s “factory” settings (for example, the speed of reactions), values, abilities, aspirations, desires. And of course experience. After all, for example, traumatic events not only affect our worldview, but literally change the brain, even at the physiological level (proven by recent scientific research).

Ignoring all this = depersonalizing a person, looking at him as a model.

Do we know stories about teachers from the country who found the strength to start a blog, for example? This blog was “pulled”, went to private lessons, then courses, millions of views? Of course we do.

Do we know people with disabilities who have built super successful media careers? Of course we do.

Do we even know my story: a girl from a poor family, traumatized by death and violence, who has spent 30 years in a pit of destructive relationships, deprivation, low self-esteem, suddenly takes it and creates a personal brand first and an international project in mental health? Of course we do.

However! ONE (or even ten) people are not all people. Nika Nabokova is not ALL traumatized women.

In addition to preparation, desire, the use of certain algorithms, there are many more factors in the history of any success. Among them, of course, there are approach, unlimited thinking, discipline. But at the same time, don’t be ready for promotion, as in my case, for example. Someone else has such incredible charisma that someone is standing in front of the camera and you can’t take your eyes off them. Someone else has luck, it’s just banal luck.

He begins to tell people: “Look at Zoya Ivanovna from Kisnema. Zoya Ivanovna did a good job, she saw the opportunities, she just started, she let herself go and look, the 3 million launch has already exploded, you can do the same” it’s important to be aware of some of these people. will be demotivated. And this is at best. And worst of all, we can easily catch a person like Zoya Ivanovna, who is exhausted, devastated for not succeeding.

Or here’s an example that was given to me in a dispute too: a model with cerebral palsy. Despite the diagnosis, the girl created herself, became famous, earned excellent money, had two children, etc. It’s a beautiful story, but… In total, there are about 17,000,000 people with cerebral palsy in the world. And probably, only a few of them became famous models for one reason or another, and not because the rest were lazy, stupid, did not want, did not try, enjoyed their problems. Environment, character traits and even the degree of illness.

What about people with depression, personality disorder? They are literally over, with this motivation “you definitely can, you just don’t try hard” they were burned with the whip, it is absolutely impossible to work with them with such methods. Do you think they are few or we are few? wrong, very

In general, the message “I did it and you can do it” is a symptom of unhealthy narcissism (yes, it can be healthy). As a matter of fact, a person reports that he does not see another living in front of him, but measures everything only in relation to his own person, considering it a model and often the only option. This, of course, says a lot about the professional suitability of such a character.

How does it grow?

Does this mean you have to leave things as they are, rely on no more and settle for less? Of course not. After all, there is a beautiful golden meaning. In the golden mean, we take into account the context and, based on this, formulate goals, objectives, steps.

You take a step up. Then another step. After a while you come to your current “upper cap”, exceed it and here is the next level. You can/want – move faster. This approach seems to me much more ethical, careful, humane.

I formulate it this way: If you don’t like the way you live, it’s up to you to first improve your life at the level you are at now and then go further if you wish.

Then he goes.