I open the world of other men: 5 tips from a clinical psychologist on how to survive a divorce

The news of someone’s wedding today can be more surprising than a divorce. According to the Unified Interdepartmental Information and Statistics System (EMISS), 68 (or 70%) out of 100 marriages in Russia today break up. Even 30 years ago, this rate was 42%, and 70 years ago only 4% of marriages broke up.

Divorce is no longer seen as a disaster and often becomes the only right decision to stay on good terms with a spouse. However, if the separation is mutual, it works because the relationship is no longer valid or the spouses’ values, interests, and views about the future diverge.

For some people, divorce provides a “certificate of freedom” – a ticket to a new life, while for others the collapse of a marriage becomes a major stress. Here we are talking about a breakup on the initiative of one of the parties, when the second is not ready for such changes, or if the reason for the breakup of the couple was betrayal or betrayal.

Some spouses struggle for years to complete this process because they cannot agree on the division of property, determine with whom the children (if any) will stay, or because one of them cannot accept the reality of separation.

The initiator that ends the relationship is both a man and a woman. Whatever the cause, both can experience this event painfully.

We asked Anastasia Novich, a clinical (medical) psychologist, hypnotherapist, psychosomatic specialist, to share her tips on accepting a divorce and moving on.

Anastasia Novich, clinical psychologist

Rule One: Acknowledge That This Decision Is Right And Necessary For Your Couple

In the future, such a step will help to build new strong relationships based on mutual love.

Many times people resist divorce because they blame themselves for mistakes, doubts, and worries. The problem is that in the process of making this decision, they take into account not the objective reasons for the destruction of the family, but the approval or condemnation of their actions by society.

But if you decide to divorce, you should take it lightly. Especially when the level of disagreement within the family reaches a critical point and there is practically no hope of finding a compromise.

By accepting the inevitable, you will reduce unnecessary tension and get rid of anxiety, uncertainty and other negative emotions.

Rule Two: Connect

It is very important to take care of yourself and your comfort. Of course, now you will have to rebuild your life and your life, which means that you will need strong support.

For this reason, one should not close himself off from communication and should not dive into his inner world. On the contrary, it is important to be involved in events and spend time with friends and relatives, so as not to feel lonely.

Third rule: believe in the best

There are many instances where people become much happier after a divorce, as if they were getting a second wind. Equality of the person depends on them. You don’t need to be stuck with couples breaking up. The right attitudes give self-confidence and hope for a brighter future.

Make a checklist of the things you’ve wanted to do for a long time but haven’t been able to do, that you’ve been chained to by marriage. Maybe the ex-husband was against tattooing and you wanted to get it done. Perhaps they had fears limiting your travel and your love of extreme sports. It’s time to turn off all gestalts.

When the idea that everything will be fine gets stronger in the mind, the body and brain receive positive information instead of signals about a disaster. As a result, the body relaxes and becomes open to anything interesting and beautiful.

Rule Four: Don’t beat yourself up for your feelings.

Treat divorce as a rewarding experience. This is a huge amount of stress and it’s important to understand that you are entitled to all your emotions: grief, anger, fear, disappointment. They are an integral part of the process and will pass with time. But it is important to observe the line between experiencing emotions and falling into despair.

This will help you move forward despite adverse circumstances. In the heat of passion, remember wisdom and common sense when it comes to your personal comfort. Divorce can be a difficult ordeal, but you need to keep your mind open and remember that this situation is temporary.

Fifth Rule: Share your feelings

Pay attention to your mood, the emotions you are experiencing right now.

There is an opinion that feelings should be kept to oneself, as they do not offend anyone. This is a big mistake: in difficult situations, one should free the mental and emotional sphere from negativity and not accumulate it inside.

If the body is under constant stress, the person begins to succumb to anxiety, insomnia, neuroses and palpitations. Therefore, it is extremely important that you pay attention to what your mind and soul are occupied with.

Spend some time and energy clearing yourself of difficult emotions. Try to articulate the feelings, share them with others, bring to the surface everything that causes pain and suffering. It’s the best thing you can do to relax and feel good.

Being able to adjust your thoughts in a very competent and high quality way depends on taking care of yourself and your body. Getting rid of the burden of anxiety, hopelessness and worries, mental and psychological relaxation should become a habit and should be practiced regularly.

Use these tips to help protect your physical and mental health during the stress of divorce. Great health and peace of mind allow you to quickly get out of an unstable situation and focus on finding happiness.

Perhaps later you will be grateful to fate for a unique opportunity to start everything from scratch, and the unpleasant moment of divorce will be the beginning of a completely new and interesting period in your life.