After Harry’s comments about the queen, 80-year-old ELISABETH LUARD says she’s part of a condescending trend

When this was the first time, I had taken concrete action and had to go to the emergency room to get stitches. Speaking on behalf of my three children, it was my eldest son, Caspar, who was then 50 years old.

“You have to move, mother,” she said. “We’ve talked about that… sooner or later you’re going to fall and be eaten by the cat.”

Then I realized: My children, middle-aged teenagers, all of whom were teenagers, had decided that there was a problem that needed to be talked about behind their mother’s back. I had reached the age of 75, which meant that I could no longer trust myself to make my own decisions. They knew better from now on.

I remember my anger when I read last week that Prince Harry had undertaken to “protect” his grandmother from the wrong kind of counselors. About his last tea with the queen, he said: “I just make sure he’s protected and has the right people around.”

Well, thanks Harry – but the fact that HM sometimes has to use a cane on his 96th and platinum anniversary doesn’t mean he’s not responsible for who he is and what he does.

It seems to me that (80 years old and still counting) old people are assumed to be unable to answer for themselves.

Her Majesty has everything to make a decision, if the latest news is true. Rich or poor, sooner or later all of us are unlikely to enjoy the memory of what has happened to us because we lose our ability to do what we used to do. I can imagine the Queen being nothing but amused, especially considering that young Harry is not the best person to give advice on sensitive matters.

“Do you take sugar?” I say. problem. Referring to the common scenario in a bar where the waiter addresses an older person’s attendant rather than the older person himself. The unspoken assumption is that physical frailty necessarily results in mental decline.

Some of us may not be as healthy as we used to be, but that doesn’t mean we don’t know if we’re getting sugar in our tea.

Similarly, Harry seems to assume that now that the queen is in her 90s, she can no longer be trusted to choose her people. He’s 37 for God’s sake – he should have learned his lesson by now.

I have experience with older women with strong opinions. My mother was of the same generation as the monarch and she did exactly what she wanted all her life. She never hid her disapproval of the choices I made, my oldest daughter. Wrong husband (unreliable), too many kids (too fast one after another), a career as a food writer (how did it happen?).

I never dared to challenge my mother’s disapproval, so we didn’t even agree to disagree. My mother didn’t like face-to-face comparisons (though her letters scared me) and made sure they didn’t happen. Maybe that’s why I became a writer, a way of owning the sound.

Elisabeth Luard, 80, says people should be able to make their own decisions, regardless of age. She points out that Harry seems to assume that the queen, who is over 90, can no longer be trusted to choose her people.

So while my kids could speak well for themselves when they were little, I tried to make sure they had a voice too.

‘What’s his name?’ well-meaning strangers asked, assuming my son couldn’t speak for himself. And I would immediately ask him the question again. ‘What is your name?’ I would ask him.

It expressed exactly what I felt at the time and what I continue to do: everyone, young or old, should be able to speak for himself.

This was doubly surprising when, right after my 75th birthday, my kids—the same kids I always encouraged to talk to them—tryed to rob me.

They staged what they called “intervention”. A kind word to pick up someone and tell them what to do.

It was then that they decided it would be best for me to walk from my beloved farm to the wilds of Wales and be closer to them: ‘We will find a much safer place closer to London. Hastings of Eastbourne, where grandchildren can go.

TRUE? All five of my grandchildren living in London have been on vacation their entire lives.

“We know it’s expensive to fix the roof and work hard to pump water from the basement,” my son continued, nodding to his two sisters. “And we can’t help enough to make a difference.” Of course he was well-meaning, coming from a loving nursing home, but he was also quite reckless. (Likewise, Harry cannot clearly see the grisly rudeness of his bold – no less overt – assertion that he cares for his beloved old grandmother.)

I had no intention of leaving the beautiful place that has been my home for over 20 years. Definitely not before it’s good and ready.

My mother – not to mention the monarch – would not have advocated such treatment. Me too. My brain was still working, thank you very much; If not, I would have let you know.

In the end, it took me three years to decide for myself that it was time to move. I moved to Hastings or Eastbourne, however ‘safer’, as close as possible to central London, my hometown.

Today I live in a studio in a converted factory in Acton that I really love. I also share the monarch’s perspective on an adequate retirement age: “Thanks for asking, but I’m not done yet.”

There will be times when I need help. And after curfew in London, I’m learning to accept help when offered. A seat on the bus, a hand helping to bridge the gap between the platform and the train on the subway, a swollen friendly match of a full shopping cart.

Her Majesty made Windsor Castle her primary residence and chose to stay at the modest Wood Farm during her visits to Sandringham estate – or so it seems – it has already shrunk – and it’s unlikely that she’ll ever need a seat on the bus. So, what useful help can the next generation monarch receive?

Maybe a friendship offer as you drop the corgis into the uncut area of ​​the yard. If you were, the best you could do would be an unconditional offer from California to send little ones Archie and Lilibet (accompanied by Tata, of course) with their great-grandmothers for a few days without pressure from parents or politics.

His Majesty is much older and wiser than his grandson. With age comes tolerance, when we care enough to take the good alongside the bad. And Queen II. Elizabeth has certainly practiced forgiveness enough—but perhaps not to forget—to get a love affair with her niece on track.

After all, the most important part of Her Majesty is family loyalty.

It will not be a surprise to meet the California deserters from the balcony of the palace in June. Harry is his grandson, and there is an often unspoken alliance between old and young – troubled generations caught in between.

I hope they do. We can all change our friends (including consultants). But we can never change our family.

Well-meaning “tips” and all.