I can’t stand living with my boyfriend, help!

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice covered in a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to rescue a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

Do you have to live under the same roof as your man to make a living?

I have been a single mum since the birth of my 5 year old son and have been with my sweetheart for 3 years. Before, we only saw each other on weekends. This pace suited me very well, but he recently asked me to move in together.

I said yes, I love him, I felt we were ready, but I regret my choice: since we’ve been living together in my house, the independent man who managed everyday life perfectly has turned into a toad with questionable hygiene, who leaves her dirty underwear lying around, complains incessantly and systematically relies on me. I feel like I have a second child to deal with.

Clearly, married life kills my libido and makes me deluded. I miss my independence, my peace of mind and my tidy apartment. Also meetings and emotions. I don’t know how to tell him that I prefer we don’t live together without hurting him or ending our relationship. We also would like children and I know you don’t make a living with one person living in two different houses. But right now, our relationship is in shambles and I don’t know what to do.

Looking forward to reading from you, my dear Daronne

The cookie!

Daronne’s answer

My little gnocchi au gratin,

I admit that I don’t understand you. Yet isn’t it wonderful and perfectly fulfilling to pick up, wash, hang out, and finally fold the gum-marked underpants of the man you love? You know, there is no greater pleasure than taking care of your sweetheart every day. And do everything for him. And watch him with tenderness as he drags himself from the sofa to the bed like a nice mollusk out of the water too long, compared to the smell.

But is this a fatality, a common female destiny that condemns us to enter the house and moreover with the boys who take us as their slaves? No !

Living separately when you’re in a relationship? But yes ma’am!

This paragraph will be very short and the next very long. Today no journalistic rigor that holds up for bibi.

So, you tell me in your letter that you are absolutely not made for married life, but you tell me that you know that a life together is necessarily expected under the same roof.

Let me contradict you right away: the only thing needed when you are in a relationship is to be happy. And happiness is like pumpkin soup, there are so many variations that an entire existence would not be enough to list them all.
We can live together without children, we can make a house apart with the offspring and we can even love each other for life seeing each other only when we want. So let’s reinvent love! We dare to think outside the box of social conventions! We raise our majors very high in the face of marital shackles! After all, if straight guys love living together so much, they should be doing each other.

The pair is especially good for cis men

When I read your letter and you tell me that you don’t think you are made for everyday life as a couple, as your boyfriend conceives it, I sincerely ask myself: who is made for this life? Would you feel the same way if you lived with a man who, uh… helps run the house and is proactive? It seems you bear the responsibility for this domestic failure. But if his underpants and his inertia swell you, it’s not because your flaws make you resistant to everyday life under a common roof. It’s just… the stutter and inertia, it’s mega pumping.

Attention! As I explained in the previous paragraph, I don’t think everyone is meant to live in a family. On the other hand, I think that before deciding whether or not this is our case, it would be good to be able to test optimal conditions of coexistence. As in the company of a respectful adult, not a vaguely humanoid stick insect.

My bicycle, you are far from the only one to face this disappointment. I’m by no means a misandre, so I won’t theorize about a potential trap that cismecs willfully set on their mates. I just assume that the fact that they don’t give a damn as soon as their little wife is shod like a rat is purely coincidental.

How do you tell your boyfriend that you don’t want to live with him anymore?

At this very moment in your story, you have two choices, my little panda. In the end I found two, but if anyone has other suggestions, I accept:

Put kibosh on the nonsense (I chose this title because it rhymes): You might just be telling the man that your current existence doesn’t suit you. And then he could make an effort to make everyday life livable again. Especially if you have a child project in the future. His attitude won’t magically change when the cherub is born, huh. So, you might as well rectify the situation now or know what to expect if you realize your mate is really looking for a housekeeper rather than a satisfied partner.

Live on love and fresh water separately: if you don’t want to live with him anymore, tell him. You have nothing to lose, since as things stand, you also foresee the end of the story. His current behavior doesn’t allow you to carry out a baby project, or even to invest yourselves together, without you finding yourself having to manage everything yourself. Having said that, with him you will also be able to savor a light and fulfilling existence, free of domestic commitments and (if he agrees, of course), far from the banal considerations of a daily life spent in the company of boys who take you for their mum . .

Come on, I’ll leave you, I’ve got a stew on the stove and I need to turn on a washing machine.

bisette,

Your daronne

Photo credit image of one: Getty Images Signature