In maternity wards, the slow evolution of the co-parent’s place

The one who faints, the one who plays with his smartphone or who falls asleep, the one who walks in the corridor, or even the one who has the easy trigger of the nebulizer. Depending on the era, different images come to mind when we think about them the place of the co-parent in the delivery room. But how has their role evolved since the generalization of births in hospitals?

A place that did not exist in the 1950s

When we imagine a father in the maternity ward 40 or 50 years ago, we see this scene from the series This is us, with men looking through glass at children in kindergarten, smoking and congratulating each other: “What’s yours?” “.

In fact, to understand the evolution of the role of co-parenting in maternity we have to go back a little further, to the early 1950s, when the number of deliveries in hospital exceeded that of deliveries at home in France. The place of fathers is then non-existent, we do not see what they could bring to the woman in childbirth.

For Marie-Helene Lahayejurist and author of the book Childbirth: women deserve bettertheir role is limited to:

“Take Madame to the hospital, then wait in the corridor. This is in contradiction with what happened when women gave birth at home, contrary to what one might think, they participated and supported their wives. “

Marie France Morelbirth historian and author of numerous books including Accompanying the birth, from yesterday to today. hand or toolconfirms this fact.

“At home, fathers were asked to fetch the midwife or doctor, to heat the water or take care of other material details, they could be very present, even if childbirth has remained a world of women. “

In the maternity ward it is feared that the father is a carrier of germs. The outbreaks of puerperal fever that have decimated women who give birth in hospitals for generations left a deep fear until the 1960s. Since the father has no role in childbirth, and can be a health threat, he is therefore relegated to the delivery room door.

The turning point of the 60s-70s

Medical staff began vaguely to tolerate fathers in the delivery room in the 1960s, without encouraging them to take on a support role. They find it difficult to find their place, caregivers do not hide that these are bothersome elements.

Some people make it a struggle. Marie-Hélène Lahaye said:

” In the USA couples have gone so far as to handcuff each other to be sure not to be separated during birth and after “.

At the same time, in France, since 1952, the Lamaze method of the USSR has been acclaimed in the militant circles of the working class.

“This pain-free birth movement is based on preparation, to which fathers are invited, in order to accompany their wives during childbirth. It is very innovative! explains Marie-France Morel.

The Lamaze method even ended up being approved by Pope Pius XII in 1956, which allowed him to enter the program of many maternities. Until the end of the 70s it was accepted that the father could attend the birth, hold his wife’s hand and encourage her to do her ” small dog breathing “.

In 1974 the book came out For a birth without violence by obstetrician-gynecologist Frédérick Leboyer. It offers a new way to welcome a baby at birth: soft lighting, low noise level, waiting for first aid, putting the baby in contact with the mother and bathing him in the delivery room to calm down. This method is very successful and the role of bather is entrusted to the fathers. The birth bath will disappear a few years later to give way to skin-to-skin contact between mother and baby and to accommodate breastfeeding.

Another task is soon assigned to fathers: that of cutting the umbilical cord. “It was a must for fathers, there was such pressure that they didn’t dare refuse, even when it was unbearable for them,” says Marie-France Morel. For Marie-Hélène Lahaye, “There is nothing psychoanalytic or Freudian to see in this, it was basically just a harmless gesture to give fathers a task at birth. “

However, in the 1970s, psychiatrist Bernard This saw that there is a necessary act to separate the baby from the mother, and that their fusion is not too strong. But twenty years later he changes his tone: cutting the cord separates only the baby from the placenta, not from the mother.

Acceleration, from the 1980s to the 2000s

If their presence in the delivery room was already established, it took time for the fathers to be really active there, and for them to be able to take care of their baby while they were in the maternity ward.

“In the 90s the situation was reversed, men who do not wish to witness the birth of their partner are considered to be bad husbands remembers Marie-France Morel.

Paternity leave appeared in France only in 2002, fathers previously were entitled only to three days of leave, to take time off work and to be present at the birth of their children. It was in this period that the fathers began to learn and train to accompany the birth, for example through the aptonomy or the Bonapace method.

What about the living room in the diaper suites? In a study conducted in 2006, CNRS researcher Gérôme Truc is surprised by the still uncertain place of fathers. They were regarded, in many maternity wards, as lambda visitors, who could only visit their wives and children for a few hours in the afternoon.

We began to ask them more about the administrative procedures or the care reserved for the newborn, to “help the mother”, but their main role was to hold mom and baby on the day of release.

A slow evolution towards an ideal situation

Where are we in 2022? Co-parents today still feel they need to be fully accepted. They are taken for the placement of the epidural or some caesarean sections, yet they are rarely accepted at night, they therefore remain secondary parentsmore or less uncomfortable for medical personnel.

Marie-Hélène Lahaye also denounces the exploitation of men by the medical power to control women. For example, sometimes they take over the team by forbidding their partner to drink, “then they act as the armed wing of the caregivers, against their wives”.

Aside from the men during the installation of the epidural or Caesarean section, Marie-Hélène Lahaye sees no legitimacy in it.

“These are really stressful moments when the woman giving birth needs support and finds herself alone. It is medical omnipotence, in the absence of the father, but also of a doula or a best friend who are not tolerated in the delivery room. There is therefore no dispute and it is not necessary to justify certain acts. “

Marie-France Morel puts forward another reason, “it is also to prevent fathers from fainting”, but recalls that they also played a role in the democratization of epidurals starting from the 1980s, “there was a request for women in labor, carers , but also fathers, for whom it is often difficult to see their wives suffer ”.

Fortunately, things keep changing slowly. Several French maternities are now equipped with one or two family rooms, with double beds, where couples can stay together in conditions of decent comfort. We find this type of room in particular in Grenoble, Fourmies (Hauts-de-France), Limoges, Toulouse or even Lyon Ecully.

Birth centers, of course, have had a head start on this topic for a while! ” The role of fathers has been truly rehabilitated and enhanced in birth centers or home births, team up with the midwife to support the mother, ”says Marie-France Morel. Even in maternity it is not uncommon to come across “a videomaker father, a masseur father, a singer father” laughs the historian. Everyone trains and supports in his own way.

But Covid has shown that the situation remains fragile.

“We tried to expel co-parents from the birthing room and living room in the diaper suites, under a sanitary pretext. Some have to strategize and hide in the bathroom in order to get through the night. We want to get rid of it motherhoods are not designed to give co-parents a role. laments Marie-Hélène Lahaye.

For the lawyer, it is urgent to reconsider childbirth no longer as a medical act, but as a physiological act.

” Women should be able to give birth wherever they want, with whoever they want. I go even further, when you give birth in a maternity ward, you should be able to do all your work in your room, without having to go to the delivery room, unless there is a medical reason to do so. We need to rethink the organization of maternity wards, comparable to what actually happens during childbirth. “

Would better respect for mothers who give birth and the physiology of childbirth therefore the key to rehabilitating the supporting role of the co-parent? It is likely, but this will inevitably result in more financial resources being allocated to maternity wards.

Image of one: Jonathan Borba / Pexels