Brochure against the scourge of rumors instead of text messages

Article originally published in April 2020

Well, we need to talk a little about the REAL arguments, we are tired of Covid, vaccines and confinements.

At the moment, there is something that is really affecting my already fragile nervous system: people who send “voice messages” instead of texting, like a normal person.

Who are these people ? What are their networks? Why don’t they take 7 seconds of their time to use their fingers in addition to touching the dough?

The voice message, this ultimate symbol of laziness

So yeah, I’m definitely going to be called boomers and spoilers – that’s probably what I am. At least on this topic, eh, don’t get carried away.

But it’s really something I don’t understand: why send a voice message instead of writing? Why bother holding down your little finger as you record your tribulations which are, 90% of the time, entirely uninteresting to the person receiving them?

I don’t understand, damn, I don’t understand. And the worst part is that if you, the sender of the voice, are “saving time”, you can’t imagine how painful it is for the listener.

How many times have I not sweated cold when I saw appear on my screen: “what sent you a voice message” and that in addition I see that it lasts 7min30? No, but why are you doing it?

Do you really think that’s all I’m interested in hearing you talk all this time and not being able to do anything else? Don’t you think my time is precious too?

And it also seems like I should feel lucky, because according to Philou, former big madmoiZelle publisher and famous globetrotter, this voice message culture can be worse, like in Spain:

“ If I am more of a fan of voice messages and use them quite regularly, I was shocked by the use of foreigners I was on Erasmus with. All my friends, between the ages of 20 and 30, used the answering machine for EVERYTHING.

Especially the Spaniards. They rarely used text messages written with other foreigners and almost never with each other. Even for insignificant messages like “aha” they could press their phone’s small microphone to record themselves as they uttered it.

Even when we were in class, they didn’t hesitate to get their voices out by whispering rather than typing a text message. It was quite fun to watch.

One day I asked one of them why they were doing this. She shrugged and said “I don’t know, we all do, it’s less boring than writing” but she also added “it also makes it impossible to send screenshots of the conversation.”

We may have the beginning of an explanation.

Voice messages: stop this heresy

You decide: either send a written message, typed with the cocktail sausages that serve as fingers, or make a phone call, for real.

This middle ground is absolutely unbearable, and in addition to hurting others who are with you when you receive this scourge worthy of the plagues of Egypt, it also absolutely prevents any notion of intimacy.

I’ll explain my point, but you have to throw yourself a little bit (not against a wall, it hurts, enough of this bullshit).

Imagine that you are in a crowded bar or a party in an apartment, all surrounded by other humans who have the strange ability to hear what is said around them thanks to these little magical and really useful tricks called ears.

Okay, do you visualize the scene?

There you will see the notification appear on your phone: “Trick sent you a voice message”.

Tip, it is your sexual date, the one that must join you shortly at the famous evening in which you find yourself and then embark on a part of legs in the air of all the beauty, involving an interlocking of the bodies next to an Olympic gymnastics discipline.

Except that Truc is already hot as coals, and he has decided to orally share with you all the things he can’t wait to do with your orifices. Great, what a great idea to say, thanks Truc.

Thanks to the sending of this voice message and thanks to the fact that you are not damned to have a pair of headphones permanently attached to your ears, the whole world (well the people of the evening who are with you what), is aware that in a few hours you will become costly.

What do I want to do on my phone when I see that I have received a voice message

Voice messages: these mood assholes

Well yes, to hear a voice text message, it must be on the speaker, to find yourself more like an idiot sticking your ear near the hole from which the sound comes out. Posture is great, great, thank you.

Did the people around you really need to know your plans for the rest of the evening? No. Did you want them to know? It’s up to you, but I, personally, don’t.

So we thank Truc, who really ruined the atmosphere – finally especially yours, all because he hasn’t been able to use his fingers for anything other than playing with your clit. Excellent.

Would this awkward moment have happened if Truc had texted or called your sensitive person directly? I’ll give it to you in a thousand: no. It wouldn’t have happened.

That is why I am ardently campaigning against this mania and asking the people of the world to stop doing it, otherwise next time I will see myself screaming very, very loud against my phone screen (yes because I know there will be a next time) that it will happen. Thanks x.

Photo credit image by one: @monbitchon / Twitter

Secondary Photo Credit: Pretty Little Liars series