How to break the taboo of racism with your child

Silence creates more confusion than security

It is tempting to believe that by not mentioning racism, we avoid placing it in children’s minds. However, studies show that they observe the physical differences very soon, listen to comments around them and try to understand. In order not to say anything, he can leave them vulnerable to the stereotypes they listen to elsewhere. Answer them with simplicity, without shame or discomfort, allows them to develop a curious and benevolent look in the world.

“Don’t see the colors” does not help children

The idea that “we are all the same” may seem positive. However, ignoring the differences is equivalent to denying the experience of those who suffer racism. If a child asks why a person’s skin is black, it is more constructive to respond naturally: “Yes, it is their skin color and you, how would you describe yours?” These words give the child a vocabulary to talk about differences, without making it a taboo topic.

Racism is not innate

Note a difference does not mean being racist. What nourishes discrimination are the systems that give priority to these differences. Children do not “unlear” on their own: adults need to explain to them that some attitudes or words are unjust. A simple definition can be sufficient: “Racism is when people are treated badly because of the color of their skin or origin. It is not right and we can say that it is not correct.” “

Parents must also be surprised

Support your child in these conversations requires wondering their history. Many adults grew up with the idea that it was not necessary to talk about race or that “everyone is the same”. To be able to drive, sometimes you have to deconstruct your reflections and learn. This approach, even imperfect, shows the child that we can evolve and continue to learn his whole life.

When a foolish phrase: transform the discomfort into learning

It happens that a child repeats an observation listened to elsewhere, sometimes painful. Instead of scolding him dryly, we can ask him where this idea comes from: “Where did you hear it from?” “,” What did you mean? These questions open a dialogue. It is also an opportunity to explain that some beliefs, which are called “stereotypes”, are false and can damage.

Represent diversity on a daily basis

Children are also built through what they see in books, movies or toys. Offer them stories with heroes and heroines of all origins helps to normalize diversity. But more than anything else, it is the attitude of the parents who matters: a child learns above all by observing the words and behaviors of his family.

Better try to keep silent

Talking about racism is never perfect: you can be wrong, look for your words or understand after you could have answered otherwise. The important thing, recalls the psychologist, is to dare the conversation. Saying your child “I don’t know, but you can look together” it’s already a way to show him that we are moving with him.

A lasting dialogue

Tackling these topics is not a unique discussion, but a thread that is intertwined over time. These exchanges show children who play a role to play, that racism is not inevitable and that everyone can contribute to a more right world.