Article initially published on July 20, 2019.
Deciding to have a child or to abstain, is undoubtedly one of the most important choices that can be made in a lifetime. Except that when you have a relationship, this choice must be made for two …
Have children or not, a question asked by many couples
And when the two couple members are not aligned, it is a real tension topic. What to do when one of the two is convinced that he wants a child and the other does not want it or does not know if one day he will want one day? Add to this The pressure of the fall in fertility with age (In women mainly, but not only …) and we have a nice pile of potential knots to be revealed.
This is the situation in which a French Reddit user is. He shared his questions about the platform to collect opinions from internet users and this provides a very interesting discussion thread.
He doesn’t want a child, but yes yes
Here’s how this 31 -year -old man describes his situation:
“To put it simply: my wife wants a son. For my part, I don’t know if I don’t want it, or if I pretend I don’t know for cowardice, because if it is no, then my wife and I will have to separate me.” “
A pause that the thirties find very difficult to consider, because it considers that their couple works very well and that it is “The woman of [sa] life “. So lists the reasons that suggest him that he will never want children.
“I had different contacts with the children who went well. But I never said later:” It is obvious, I want to experiment this day by day. “Friends with whom I already discussed they told me to” see it grow, evolving according to his education, etc. “
I don’t think I want to sacrifice my time and life for one of the “returns” mentioned above, because I am not sensitive. Yes, it is financially simpler and, in general, logistics is simpler without children. »» »
What to do when a child’s desire diverges within the couple?
In its long message, the Reddit user therefore provides several options. The first is to have a son not to lose his wife, saying that he might like to be a father.
However, he recognizes that this isa risky bet that does not feel ready to do. He does not want to submit a future child to have a father who does not want him. And also he does not imagine having a son and let his wife manage everything.
The other option is therefore not having children. But it seems to believe that it will bring them directly to separation, because His wife does not imagine his life without son. And this perspective breaks his heart, because he thinks he will never find the symbiosis he has with her.
On 30 -LD of 30 years he concludes his message saying that they will try to see a psychologist together to talk about it and that he is a buyer/feedback on the matter.
Do a child without conviction and end up blaming him for the other
He has been granted, since he received more than 300 comments on the discussion he created. Here are those who seemed to us the most interesting.
This user (or user?) Estimates for example that If you agree to have a child to please his wife, he could blame him in the future.
“The risk here is also to blame your wife to have” private “of life you wanted to lead and separate.
The solution is good in the discussion, to determine if it is more important for her to have a child than being with you, or not having a child or being with her. And if you are not on the same wavelength on this topic, then you will really have to think about separation. »» »
Make a child without conviction and in the end be very satisfied
A father also replied to explain to him that he was exactly in the same situation ten years ago and that he had ended up accepting to have a son. And that he was very happy with it today.
“Having children makes you completely change your perspective on life and gives meaning to yours that you could not suspect before. It is a sacred paradox, children fill a lack that you didn’t even know you had. My life before was infinitely easier and more comfortable. My life today seems infinitely more” important “, essential, true.” »» »» »
Most of the fathers who intervene on the wire have the same speech. It must be said that The regret of parenting is a topic still extremely taboo in France.
Be honest with the other on his (absence of) desire for a child
Several people also grew in the discussion thread the need forhave this discussion quickly at the beginning of a relationship To avoid being in this situation (even if, we agree, it is possible that we can change their mind over the years).
If I found this discussion exciting, I don’t haveFrom a personal solution to be brought to the subject. I will only recommend itBe honest with the other And to let him make a decision.
“I don’t know if I want a child and I can’t promise you that I would like one day. Are you ready to potentially make this sacrifice for me? Or do you prefer to separate?” “
I think it is also worth asking the question (in straight couples) of what we will do if a pregnancy begins (yes, the accidents arrive, even with a good contraception).
Finally, I think it is important – even in couples where the two members want a child – to wonder what investment is ready to do in terms of education. The goal is toAvoid the disaslusions and frustrations as much as possibleAlthough, of course, we can never plan everything and completely free the ground before a child arrival.
What if the movie you would have seen tonight was a step? Every week, Kalindi Ramphul offers you his opinion on the film that he is seen (or not) in the program the only opinion that matters.
Source: Madmoizelle
Mary Crossley is an author at “The Fashion Vibes”. She is a seasoned journalist who is dedicated to delivering the latest news to her readers. With a keen sense of what’s important, Mary covers a wide range of topics, from politics to lifestyle and everything in between.
