Check the backpack: essential error or parents gesture? Experts decide

From exchange to exchange

Rather than looking for in secret, specialists recommend that they establish a shared moment. For example, we can offer the child to empty his bag when I went home. It becomes an opportunity to talk about your day, to discover a drawing together, a toy exchanged with a partner or to check if the notebooks and tasks are updated. The parent maintains a benevolent eye, but in a support dynamic rather than suspicion.

Suggestions to make practice constructive

For this ritual to be perceived as an intrusion, some principles can help:

• Explain the approach : Of ‘to the child because we look in the bag (“to verify that we do not forget anything important”, “to be sure that everything is in order”).
• Take the baby : Let him show his things himself, decide what he means or share.
• Value autonomy : Congratulates when he puts his bag well or think of bringing his things without help.
• Limit the frequency : There is no need to check every day; A weekly routine may be enough, unless there is a particular context.

The key role of autonomy in development

Research in development psychology shows that the trust given to the child in the management of his affairs plays a central role in the construction of his autonomy.

Be enhanced, even small tasks such as preparing the bag or keeping your things, promotes self -esteem and the ability to make adequate decisions.

On the contrary, too intrusive control can slow down this process and create an addiction to parents’ validations. In other words, learning to “let yourself go” gradually is a long -term investment to help the child become a teenager and then an adult able to manage his choices alone.

The moments in which you have to let yourself go

Knowing how to get behind it is as important as knowing how to intervene. Some signals show that the child is ready for greater autonomy:

• He prepares and puts his bag alone on a regular basis,
• No longer forgets its activity,
• It clearly expresses the need for intimacy (“it’s my bag”, “I would like you to trust me”),
• Assumes the responsibility to explain what it transports or warns in case of problem.

From this phase, it is preferable reduce controls to demonstrate to the child that his responsibility is recognized.

Cultivate mutual trust

The key is less in the excavations than in the quality of the established connection.

A child who feels listened to and respected will be more inclined to spontaneously speak of what he lives, including his mistakes or clumsyness.

By gradually accepting the release of the control, the parent sends a strong signal: “I stay in mind, but I trust you”. It is this confident aspect, more than surveillance, which helps the child to become responsible and autonomous.