Help, how do I tell my son that no, his drawings will not go on the refrigerator

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice, covered with a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to help a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

I have a four-year-old who has the same artistic fiber as Picasso, minus the talent. Not out of malice, but his drawings are not yet worthy of being exhibited in major museums, much less on my refrigerator.

The problem is that I already have three whole boxes full of his “works”. They take up space, I don’t know what to do with them, and if he unfortunately sees me throwing them in the trash I’ll have a major nervous breakdown on his part.

Help me dear Daronne, how can I explain to her that I can’t keep all her creations without seeming like the worst mother?

You kiss,

Virginia

Daronne’s response

My little herb roast,

Know that you are not alone. How many parents find themselves every year with hundreds and hundreds of drawings in their hands, without knowing what to do with them? And again, when I say “drawings,” it’s a big word. Until children have a modicum of coordination, they simply scribble three pencil strokes on a sheet of paper and convince themselves that it’s brilliant.

When in reality, let’s face it, it’s bad, so bad. It’s not their fault, eh, but damn, what if we said enough to the dictatorship of the scribbles that we have to hang on the fridge door? Between the magnets in the shape of letters of the alphabet, the themed magnets brought back by the mother-in-law every time she visits a new city in France, the postcards sent by Aunt Janine and the receipts for the rent to be paid, let’s stop polluting the refrigerator that she didn’t ask for anything, poor thing.

Are you asking me how to explain to him that you can’t keep all his works without risking sending him to the psychoanalyst’s bed? Well, unfortunately there are no thirty-six solutions: you have to lie.

Yes yes, lying to your child is not okay. He’s deceiving the trust you have in him and all that, but you already make him believe in Santa Claus and Mickey Mouse and Easter bells, it’s not one more little lie that will make your situation worse.

I will give you, because today I am very generous and altruistic, my Sioux techniques, the ones I have been able to use for years to avoid keeping ALL my children’s drawings and to let my refrigerator door breathe, all without traumatizing the flesh of my meat.

• Does he bring you yet another drawing from school or kindergarten? Excellent, congratulate him properly, without making too much fuss (let’s not forget that it’s still very bad eh). Then, once he’s in the bathroom/at the dinner table/in bed under the duvet, make a nice ball out of the design and throw it in the bin, making sure the daily waste is added with it. Neither seen nor known, the drawing will have disappeared. Do you think he’ll ask you the next morning where his artwork is? No, children have a particularly limited memory (it’s very practical in fact), and they won’t even remember giving it to you.
• If you don’t particularly love your in-laws, you can prepare cute little packages with bacon frescoes every month. Yes, it’s moving the problem, but it’s better to have their refrigerator door than yours, war or war.
• If the child ever remembers having had a flash of genius and creativity and is worried about not finding the fruit of his imagination in the family refrigerator, you can tell him that you sent it by post to Santa Claus, so as to grease his paw so his toys placed under the tree this year are especially beautiful. Your child will thus have the feeling of being part of a mafia family and will develop a confidence in himself and himself that can be useful to him throughout his life.
• You can hang HIS drawings in HIS room. When he no longer sees an inch of wallpaper and his lair is invaded, this will perhaps prevent him from continuing to produce drawings as rapidly as Plantu in The world.

Later, if you are not interested in traumatizing your child and are not afraid to face his anger in a few years, once his psychologist has helped him understand that all his misfortunes are due to his lack of kindness and compassion mother, you can tell her the truth, that the drawings are beautiful, but it is better if they match the furnishings of the apartment.

The kiss,

Your Daronne