‘It started to become a problem when I struggled to look after my daughter properly’: Miriam, 41, tells how she stopped drinking alcohol

When I was younger, I never drank much alcohol. I didn’t really like parties, so my consumption was limited to a drink every now and then, during a dinner or to celebrate an event, a birthday, a wedding, etc.

Postpartum depression

12 years ago I became the mother of a little girl. It was shortly after giving birth that I really started drinking. I think about 2 or 3 months after my daughter arrived. I think I suffered from postpartum depression without really knowing it, because I think we talked about it a lot less at the time.

I was tired, very stressed by this new role and also annoyed by my daughter’s father, my ex-husband, who at that time let a lot of the mental load rest on my shoulders.

We argued a lot. One evening my daughter was, I think, two or three months old, I had just put her to bed and I was afraid of my husband’s return. So, I don’t know why or how I got this idea, I grabbed a beer from the fridge (originally intended for my husband) and drank it to relax. In fact, I was more relaxed when he came home.

One beer, then two, like a ritual

But one beer, just one night, soon became one beer every night, then one evening out of three I went for two beers, etc. So it was that, without me realizing it and in a very short time, my daughter turned 6 months old and I drank my beer every evening, it had become my ritual and it made me feel good, even out of habit.

Less than a year later I separated from my daughter’s father with whom things were very bad. The separation went very badly and we had to stay together for another year, for financial reasons. It was hell. In the meantime I had switched from beer to slightly stronger alcohol. I felt like it wasn’t that bad to replace my usual beer with a stronger alcohol, I just didn’t realize that I was also drinking a lot more.

It started to be a problem when I struggled to properly care for my daughter.

“I felt like an electric shock inside me”

In the evening there were no problems because he slept. But the following mornings were increasingly difficult, and one day I completely forgot to wear my coat to go to the nanny, in the middle of winter. It was when his father finally left the apartment to move into a new house. He tried to take advantage of this situation to gain sole custody of my daughter. It was like an electric shock inside me. I went around the house, took all the open bottles that might be in the cupboards and threw them all away.

Until then I hadn’t told anyone about my drinking, even though deep down I knew it wasn’t normal.

I quickly realized that I certainly couldn’t do it alone.

I am an only child and both my parents were no longer in this world at that time. So I called a friend who gave me the number for Alcoholics Anonymous. I called and was able to join a support group the following week.

I was lucky enough to be able to stop quite quickly, because I barely felt the withdrawal. I stayed in this group for several weeks but was able to consider myself recovered quite quickly, which is truly fortunate.

My ex-husband saw my relationship with alcohol worsening and didn’t tell me anything because we were on bad terms (that’s still the case). I was able to show him that I had regained control of myself and, after some rather heated discussions, he finally withdrew his request for sole custody. I felt like I was reborn.

Tell your story to raise public awareness

Since then I haven’t touched a single drop of alcohol and I’m happy like that. I don’t need it to have fun or to have fun. On the contrary, I think I would prefer to have full possession of my means.

However, I often tell my story when I meet people, because it shows how even when you don’t have a particular propensity for alcohol you can fall into it very easily and very quickly. For me it was, but for other people it can be much more serious.

Today I consider myself happy to have overcome all this, especially for my daughter.