Once Unfaithful, Always Unfaithful? What the Experts Really Say

Ah, infidelity! This subject that causes as much ink as tears to flow. Who has never heard the famous saying “ An infidel, always an infidel » ? But be careful, before you throw stones at your friend who takes back his fickle ex or get paranoid about your new crush with a tumultuous past, let’s take the time to disentangle fact from fiction. Because guess what, reality is a lot more nuanced than the coffee machine gossip would have us believe!

The Myth of the Incurable Infidel

First thing to know: No, not all cheaters are hopeless cases doomed to repeat their mistakes until the end of time. Phew, let’s breathe! According to psychologists, absolutes like “always” are rarely true in human relationships. And he’s not pulling this out of a hat: Research has shown that not all former cheaters do it again in their next relationships.

So why is this myth so persistent? Many people are afraid of being cheated on, so believing in clear rules can help them feel more secure.“, this is what we can read. In essence, it is more reassuring to say “ all infidels are bastards » than admitting that reality is more complex. But be careful, this does not mean that you should trust someone who has already betrayed you blindly!

Encouraging signs according to professionals

Now that we’ve debunked the myth, you’re probably wondering, “Okay, but how do I know if my significant other with a troubled past has really changed?” » Don’t panic, therapists have some ideas for you:

1. Transparency is worth gold : If your partner talks openly about his past without anyone having to pull the wool over his eyes, it’s a good sign. It shows that he accepts his mistakes and wants to start on a healthy footing.
2. Clarity is the key : A cheating ex who has done his or her homework should be able to explain why he or she slipped up, without making up lame excuses. “It was the tequila”? Yes, we’ll be back.
3. Empathy cannot be invented : If your significant other understands your doubts and fears without offending you or making you feel guilty, it is probably because he or she has grown from his or her past mistakes.
4. Relapse is not exceptional : Well, we’re not going to lie, someone who has cheated once is more likely to get back on track than someone who collects extramarital conquests like trophies.
5. Actions speak louder than words : It’s easy to judge that we’ll never cheat again. But going to therapy to figure out your mistakes and work on yourself? That shows a real desire to change.

Beyond the Commonplaces: Understanding to Move Forward Better

So, once unfaithful, always unfaithful? As you may have guessed, the answer is not as simple as yes or no. Every situation is unique and there is no magic formula to predict whether someone will fall in the same direction or not.

The thing to remember is that infidelity is not inevitable. People can change, learn from their mistakes, and become better partners. But beware, it takes work, honesty, and a good dose of communication.

Whether you are the one who has betrayed or the one who has been betrayed, the important thing is not to remain prisoners of clichés. Understanding the reasons for infidelity, working on yourself and your relationship, is the real key to moving forward and building something solid.

And don’t forget: if you have any doubts or questions about your relationship, don’t hesitate to consult a couples therapist. Because in the end, every story is unique and only you and your partner can decide if your relationship deserves a second chance.