Chronicle of a mother: is her last child harder than the others?

This post is taken from the weekly newsletter “Le Balagan” by our editor-in-chief Candice Satara. Candice is the mother of four boys ages 2 to 12. To receive it you can sign up for free here.

You know, my four kids suck all my energy, the two greats show us all the colors. I have a feeling that my eldest son came out of the Terrible Twos and straight into the Terrible 12s. The great thing about being a parent is that you live by it the principle of communicating vessels. When one seems to calm down, it is the other who makes us unhappy. Which, more or less, gives us no respite.

The twins haven’t gotten to the point yet, I’m still at that age where everything affects me. I find their tantrums almost cute, when they tell me, because I upset them, “I don’t like mom.” I’m gaga, pffff this is bad. Last night my husband, while we were discussing it, looked at me with a very serious look: “You know what? I think they’ll be worse than the others.” Of course he was talking about the twins.

Worse than the others. It’s possible ?

I’ll be honest, I find itthere is nothing more difficult in the world than raising children. Truly. This requires a physical and psychological resistance without common measure. Every era has its share of struggles and we always tell you that they will pass. I often feel alone, out of step with others. My sister-in-law very rightly told me this last week “It’s easy to have children who are intelligent, well-behaved, funny, who follow a balanced diet, who love to read, do you want to know the secret? It’s easy, just lie! ”. I don’t know how to lie to others, nor to myself.

They don’t lead us with their nose

I wonder if there is something wrong with us (the parents). I mean something where you ask your kids to go to sleep 25 times and at 10:15pm you walk into their room and they play peacefully with the lights on and don’t even look at you. This authority problem, you see. It never gets resolved, are we being trampled on for life? I assure you that there are parents who have something, I don’t know, in their gaze, in their posture, that they do their children behave well. They inspire something powerful, sometimes even without raising their voice. It’s beyond me. We’re not one of those people, are we?

With the twins I try to do my best, to listen to them, to support them, not to raise the bar too much in everything. “Don't you want to have dinner? Then don't have dinner." But If I dig a little, I'll notice it the boys lead me by the nose. For what ? Why don't we refuse him anything? Because they have not two but four parents and there is always one who makes their wish come true. You would see the two big boys running to their rescue, giving us a reproachful look. Because we contradict ourselves in front of them. Because they are as complicit as the other two, and they pull hair as much as they kiss.

I think I don't know how to set limits

I never knew, maybe because I didn't have many myself as a child. No matter how much I study the psychological literature on child rearing, I still hear it (I think I said it before in an old NL). Is this a real necessity? Or a whim? Should I give up? WHAT TO DO ? “Put it in their room”, my mother told me. Yes, but they will come out of it. So I stand there firmly blocking the sliding door while the person on the other side screams. Great time out. Thanks Caroline Goldman.

The twins burst into our lives just as things were finally starting to calm down and it's been chaos ever since. I am relaxed with them just as I am uncompromising with adults. They are the kings. They demand attention, they want their piece of the pie. When I listen to the people around me, I notice that many also feel that he is the one who challenges them the most. The last one to assert himself is the tired parent who gives in. And at your house?

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