Oriane, 27 years old, always single: “I want to have my own place more than a child and a husband”

• First name : Oriane

• Age : 27 years old

• Place of life : a city on a human scale in the north-west of France.

• Sexual and/or romantic orientation : Straight

How long have you been single?

I’ve had a few flings without much effort, but you could almost say I’ve been single forever/a long time.

I’m relatively shy and introverted, I’ve had crushes and flirtations, but for a long time without an official relationship. After a first relationship that lasted a few months and ended with my first big breakup, I experienced a period in which I flirted without commitment, then another in which I told myself that I didn’t need anyone.

Today I’m still a bit in this period. Is it for resilience? For fear ? Or is it really right for me? I couldn’t give many answers. What is certain is that I have not truly lived life as a couple.

How would you describe your single life?

Depends. I can live it really well. I am quite independent, I like having my own home, my own habits, my own rhythms, my own activities, etc. I do a lot of things with my friends sometimes. But sometimes I think these same activities might be good with someone I’m intimate with.

Does being single impact your friendship or family life?

I talk very little about these topics with my family, they have almost always seen that unlike my sisters I have never officially introduced anyone to them. But they don’t ask questions.

On a friendly level, sometimes it’s more complicated, people constantly want to set me up. I myself find it increasingly difficult to deal with certain topics. Many friends around me have settled down, are getting married or are already married, will have children… Clearly I am not in the same stage of my life and I doubt I ever will be. This creates a gap in terms of availability, concerns, organization and, in the long term, I fear it will drive people away.

Do you think being single has an impact on your daily morale?

It’s changing. Sometimes I am extremely satisfied with my independence, with my life with myself. Sometimes I project what I don’t have and imagine what would be different if I were in a relationship. When I read books, watch movies, and there are super hot romantic relationships, etc. I might get slow in mode “I too would like arms to fall asleep in”. It’s super floaty.

Do you think being single allows you to do things you couldn’t do as a couple?

Yes and no, it depends on the type of relationship established from the beginning. If it leaves room for moments alone, it is possible to preserve your outings with friends, your passions, your travels, etc. However, there is a simplified agenda. For holidays, in particular, it is not necessary to go out of your way to please your in-laws, find compromises so that both parties see each other as frequently as possible, etc.

In addition, in heterosexual relationships, the problem of mental load often arises. As a single person, I have my own mental load, but only mine!

Conversely, do you think being single stops you from doing things you could do if you were in a relationship?

I think that as a couple I would have more atypical experiences, my daily life would be less routine.

Does the geographic location where you live impact your relationship with romantic relationships?

There might be a bit of that, I'm back in my hometown and very reluctant to see people from high school/college again.

Are you actively looking for a romantic relationship?

No, but I feel the pressure of those close to me, who try to fix me. Friends who are also single, who are looking for something and who talk about it, ask for advice. Friends who have settled down and seem to be moving forward twenty times faster than me in their lives (a normalized life with marriage, kids, house, etc.). And more generally, I feel pressure from society. I am a young adult, my employer asks me if I have a relationship with a child to adjust my salary. Access to property is also more difficult for a single person because the family unit has only one income. Now, currently I want to have my own home much more than a child and a husband.

Does being single in love impact your sex life?

I have not had a deep sexual relationship despite my previous relationships. I am extremely aware of this "lack of experience" which is extremely disabling for starting a relationship at my age. Asking myself if I'm on the asexual spectrum, because when I discuss my celibacy situation with friends, the question often comes up but " You do not want ? ". And the answer is " not so much "what I feel is more of an emotional lack than a sexual one.

Do you feel some form of injunction to have a relationship?

As mentioned above: my lack of experience, of confidence. Plus, I have endometriosis, which doesn't help boost the confidence and attractiveness of that whole area of ​​my body. As well as a feeling of lack of energy to invest in it.

Do you think being single has an impact on your finances?

Yes, our normative society is based on a family organization of at least two people. Access to the property, in particular, is really complicated for a single person.

What are your plans for the future?

Own (house or apartment), depending on budget because I need to finish paying off my student loan first. I want to have the satisfaction of having my own home, with my own decorations. And maybe even adopt an animal.

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