Do you suffer from social anxiety? Try “rejection therapy”

If you are the type of person who hates drawing attention to yourself, fears the gaze (mocking or disapproving) of others more than anything, and cares more about what they think than about your own development, then “therapy of rejection” is made for you.

A real trend on TikTok (more than 54 million occurrences all the same), “rejection therapy” consists of dealing with one’s social anxiety by engaging, in public, in an action that is considered shameful or ridiculous, or by approaching someone unknown for a moment. absurd reason.

Thus we find on the social network a video of a young woman who asks a person she doesn’t know to play rock-paper-scissors with her, another of a supermarket customer who engages in a crazy dance right among the fruit and to the vegetables section, or that of this young woman who asks Starbucks to prepare her coffee…

One of the most viewed and commented videos of this new trend is that of a young woman, lying on a yoga mat in the middle of a busy pedestrian area in London.

Their absolute goal? Immunize yourself from the fear of being rejected by getting used to being looked at sideways and thus reduce your sensitivity to external judgment and your social anxiety.

Often positive consequences

We won’t lie to each other. For people sensitive to validation from others, watching these videos can be embarrassing and even downright painful. And this is especially true because people who practice “rejection therapy” are not satisfied with a single unpleasant experience, but set themselves challenges that can last weeks. The challenges that arise are therefore increasingly “extreme”, as they are more likely to provoke unpleasant comments or derisive laughter.

But “rejection therapy” is also saving. Because in reality, what these videos show is that being “rejected” is rarely as bad as we imagine. Thus, among the people who accept the challenge of appearing ridiculous in public, few are those who are actually singled out by spectators. They can barely smile in amusement or raise an eyebrow at the sight of their dance or their animal cry. As for the young woman who asked a Starbucks employee if she could make her own coffee, much to her surprise she received a positive response.

Another positive experience: that of @anamarcks who, during a flight, asked a flight attendant if she could make an announcement to the other passengers. Not only did the stewardess say yes, but her little speech in which she explained that she is not part of the flight crew but that she simply wanted to wish everyone a good day was very well received, both by passengers and internet users, who I’m very kind in the comments.

Interviewed by the American site Bustle, psychotherapist Rachel Goldberg explains that in reality “rejection therapy” is nothing new. It’s simply a more nuanced and “TikTok-friendly” version of “exposure therapy,” a desensitization technique used in behavioral psychotherapy. “The goal of exposure therapy is to help people gradually face and overcome their fears by exposing them to the feared stimulus in a safe environment, in order to reduce the intensity of the fear response and promote self-confidence. »

How to practice rejection therapy?

Used to treat anxiety disorders, phobias, obsessive-compulsive disorders or even post-traumatic stress, exposure therapy has given excellent results not only with people who suffer from social anxiety, but also with those who are very shy or have a low self-esteem.

For Rachel Goldberg, the challenges that come with trying rejection therapy don’t have to be very uncomfortable, and you don’t even have to involve other people to avoid unexpected reactions.

The psychotherapist also recommends practicing this technique with the help of a specialist in order to monitor its application. It must also be preceded by comparisons to understand where our fears come from and thus know how to overcome them more effectively.

“For those who want to try rejection therapy independently, it is advisable to start with small, manageable challenges that slightly push their comfort zone,” he explains. For example, you can ask a stranger if you can use his phone or ask him where he bought his shoes. »

“The goal is to train regularly, perhaps several times a week, and then process the experience by writing it in a journal or discussing it with a supportive friend. » According to Rachel Goldberg, this allows you to track progress over time.

Obviously it is important to remember that the effectiveness of “rejection therapy” depends on each individual and their level of anxiety.

“Some people may notice improvements relatively quickly, while others need more time and regular practice. Typically, a single extreme event will not have lasting effects. So take small, slightly scary steps out of your comfort zone, and before you know it, your self-esteem will soar. »

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