Help, my boyfriend hid from me that he was rich!

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice, covered with a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to help a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

I have been with my boyfriend for four years, we have lived together for three years and since this summer we have been living together civilly. We have a balanced relationship and until recently I thought we had no secrets from each other.

We opened a joint account last year and we each have our own checking account. Since we are in a civil union, we now file a joint tax return. My boyfriend wanted to take care of filling out this statement and when I asked him to check it he tried to hide the point, but I insisted. I did it well!

I found out that he had a very (very) tidy sum in a separate account. I was amazed. In themselves our respective jobs allow us to live very well, but I don’t understand why he hid it from me.

He explained to me that he had had selfish relationships in the past that had caused him a lot of damage. He also told me that money had always been a source of conflict in his family and that, traditionally, it was not talked about in his house.

He was surprised by my reaction, because he thought I knew he came from a wealthy background (that’s true) and he seemed genuinely sorry that he had hurt me so much: he swore to me that he would talk about it the day we met. they needed money. But it’s still a big secret and I’m a little lost.

What do you think ?

Camilla

Daronne’s response

My little bicycle,

I’m a competitive underdog, so we agreed with Daron that he would be responsible for our finances. What was my surprise when my boyfriend recently talked about our savings in the present tense, while I thought everything had disappeared in the bathroom renovation:

– Do we still have money???? I thought we were broke!!!! My husband looked surprised:
– Yes, we are broke, but that has nothing to do with saving.
– Why didn’t you tell me there was some money left after work?
– But I told you!
– Hand !
– But if ! I remember it very well: we were sitting on the sofa and watching your strange series, with that Belgian actor who makes you strange, there.
– Do you know if he was wearing a tank top when you were talking to me?
– I think you made a comment about that, yes.

This explains why I didn’t listen to what Daron was saying at all. Well, having said that, I just shrugged. Nothing changes for us: my husband, much more reasonable than me, has sided with him. As long as we don’t have to buy a fallout shelter or pay the ransom demanded by our children’s kidnapper (some people like to live dangerously), that money stays where it is.

The secret account: is it serious?

I wonder, at this very moment, to what extent we should reveal everything to our significant other. When I give in to the lure of capitalism and buy myself an absurd, but useless and too expensive piece, I don’t inform my boyfriend. I don’t want to get into a basely materialistic conversation that would only ruin my joy. I just wait a few days before I can finally dress the thing up and when the Daron asks: “- What is this metallic pink thing again? » Sbozzo: “ – I’ve had it for a long time! I found it in the back of the closet! Life is crazy, isn’t it?“

My husband doesn’t believe me for a second, especially because I forgot to cut off the tag on my back. However he doesn’t say anything because: 1) he knows that my personal expenses never come at the expense of our family. 2) he himself booked tickets for a sporting event without warning, for which he paid the equivalent of the Swiss GDP.

Money is a sensitive topic (thank you Captain Obvious) and sometimes taboo. Every family has its own culture and its own way of doing things. This event represents a good opportunity to put your cards on the table and decide together your rules and expectations in this area. And stick to it. Personally I vote for transparency tinged with freedom, but do what you want as long as it doesn’t put you in danger.

Attention danger!

Like all lies, whether by omission or not, this too can be the result of clumsiness, but it can also reveal more serious problems. Why didn’t he feel safe enough to trust you with this part of your life? And what was he planning to do with this money? Was he going to tell you?

Finally, I’m no expert, but it seems to me that civil unions bind you financially. Let’s say this account is used to carry out some nasty scam, it could fall on you. Even if this money is his, if you are part of the same tax family, I believe you have a broad right to know where it stands: your personal safety is also at stake.

I’ll leave you, I have a new gold lycra outfit to hide.

The kiss,

Your Daronne

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