Help, my girlfriend has a strange fantasy and I’m having a hard time accepting it

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice, covered with a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to help a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a year and everything is (was?) good between us. A few days ago we drank a lot and started talking about sex and our fantasies. And there she ended up confessing to me her fantasy of her being more shameful than her and I wasn’t expecting it. I can’t tell you what it is, except that it’s not objectionable. Furthermore, she told me that it was simply something she was thinking about and that it turned her on and that under no circumstances did she intend to do it.

We were very drunk, but unfortunately I remembered this conversation the next day. We never talked about it again, but it’s hard for me to see her like this. I imagined him as quiet and peaceful, a little vanilla, and I learned that? It’s normal ? Can you have very strange fantasies while being a good person?

Help, I want to stop feeling this way and acting like nothing happened.

Cecilia

Daronne’s response

My sheep,

You see, we are faced with a perfect example of a situation where an event is both perfectly anecdotal and very critical.

Objectively nothing happened. Your significant other hasn’t hurt anyone, not even you. I imagine that her thoughts have no consequences on your financial, emotional or romantic balance. If we hadn’t had this conversation, everything would have continued to be fine.

The good news is that all couples go through this type of “ordeal.” An argument with harsh words, drunken and hurtful confessions, or, in your case, the admission of strange fantasies. We all dream of being able to return there every now and then. And we can’t. But so much the better. Because we are more beautiful this way, with our pride, our joys and our regrets that strengthen us and bring us closer.

Mythical fantasies

In relation to this article, I have just consulted an Internet page entitled: What are the three unrecognized fantasies of the French:

• 1 – Making love in the shower
• 2- Making love in a public place
• 3- Make love to a stranger.

That’s all, of course, put aside your myths about flutes. I don’t believe it for a second. It reminds me of those arguments between friends that turn bitter after two or three drinks and someone says:

“- VS’What is the most extreme thing that makes you fantasize? »

Answer :

“- I would like to be tied up. » « — I admit everything, I would like my girlfriend to spank me. » – Sometimes I dream about having a threesome with my boyfriend and Jeremy Al… » Zzzz Zzzz Zzzz.

Sorry, I dozed off, but I already knew this story. And I have no doubt about the sincere interest in the practices mentioned, furthermore I am sure that these friends will one day have the opportunity to practice them. Except the one with the boy and Jeremy Allen White, who would like us not to involve him in all this.

However, I will not be distracted by the idea that if the same conversation had taken place three more drinks later, that is not what these erotic savages would have mentioned. They would talk about these REALLY weird things that turn them on despite themselves.

The human brain is as strange as its fantasies

The human imagination is limitless and uncontrollable. I doubt he will be satisfied with practices that are a little olé olé and perfectly mainstream. I invite you to do a search to find the list of all existing fantasies listed. Most have their own name and to have a name you have to earn it.

I write for the mainstream media myself, I won’t reveal anything. Suffice it to say that among these fantasies we find: deviant uses of daily practices, characters who, at first glance, are so pleasing… No, a large number of individuals or even a crazy attraction to objects. Yes perfectly.

We’ve never heard of it and that’s okay. These fantasies are not destined to come true. They’re just for having fun with yourself. They are not always pleasant to talk about or listen to, but they reveal absolutely nothing about the person who feeds them. Whether this fantasy negatively impacts everyday life, or goes beyond the notion of consent, is another story, but it doesn’t seem to me to be the case.

How to behave from now on?

I repeat it often, but not all truths are good to tell. And I’m sure your girlfriend is experiencing all this with bitterness. I wouldn’t want to be in her place or yours.

They’re like those painful moments when we discover that someone we love very much has said bad things about us behind our backs. However, we know that all our loved ones want us to pass through the window from time to time (and vice versa), but without formal proof we may behave as if nothing is happening. Well, it’s the same, there’s a good chance that your girlfriend isn’t the only one of your favorite people who has strange desires.

I don’t know how much you can go beyond what you’ve heard. I just want to remind you of one important thing: if we decide to commit to a long-term relationship with someone, there will definitely be times when we will be faced with traits that relax or even disturb us. And viceversa. But when you can get past that, you can enjoy an ultra-safe relationship where you can be 100% yourself, in all your uniqueness and strangeness. And this is wonderful.

I’ll leave you, Daron has just returned and I want to tell him about my strange erotic dream last night. He always makes him laugh a lot, even if he is often absent from these dreams and replaced by everything Hollywood has from Steve Buscemi and the other Dany De Vitos.

The kiss,

Your Daronne

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