Why are heterosexual men so afraid of their prostate?

There are more and more of them in the windows of love shops. Chrome plugs, minimalist strap-on dildos, black vibrating prostate stimulators: alongside vibrators and other pink and purple toys, the sex toys intended for the anus adopt virile marketing.

From these shops to specialized Instagram accounts, a conversation is slowly emerging: It’s time for cis-straight men to explore their anuses. From just one finger to anchoring, or pegging in VF, which designates the sodomy practiced by a woman on a man (via a strap-on dildo in particular), knowing that his buttocks would constitute the height of deconstruction. However, for those who like to get caught, the practice remains taboo.

In February 2019, in an Ifop survey in collaboration with the magazine SHE, entitled “Where are women’s sex lives in 2019? “, we learned that 22% of the participants interviewed had already digitally penetrated their partner’s anus and 15% of them would perform rimming on a man.

However, the words of those on the receiving end of anal penetration remain rare. “I can’t talk about it at all!” I’m afraid of being judged » admits Bruno, who practices pegging on rare occasions. Rémi, for his part, can only talk about it with those around him. “make jokes about this”. “Very often I have the reaction of men who say: oh no, no one touches my ass ” He adds. Among men, even in 2022, the taboo remains.

However, the fact that men are penetrated by women is nothing new. Didier Dillen, journalist and author of The fabulous story of doggy style (Edizioni La Musardine), have found traces of these practices as early as the 4th century AD, as well as in the 11th century. “We were mainly talking about strap-ons between women, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t exist for other practices”He explains.

In a fantastic 17th/18th century English novel, an author even recommends strap-on dildos to amputee soldiers. A historical perspective that allows us to understand that our ancestors had already experienced everything when it came to sexuality. “When we talk about the history of sexuality, everything we do today already existed! But what is difficult is to define how often and whether these were widespread practices.” adds the journalist.

The hole that makes you male

When Bruno began exploring anal practices, he had many apprehensions and fears. “I was afraid of getting excited at first, but in the end not liking it, afraid of suffering, of having doubts about my sexuality “, he confides. It’s an idea that comes up often, as if the anal penetration of a man (and the latter’s pleasure) implies a suspicion of homosexuality and an instant loss of virility.

According to Didier Dillen, “There’s this idea that only women get penetrated “. And in the collective unconscious, “anal is a practice assimilated to homosexual sexuality, even if it is a common place » explains the journalist. Many straight men, in fact, are afraid of enjoying anal pleasure, which would call into question their sexual orientation… A deeply homophobic preconception, but one that continues to circulate in people’s minds.

“The sexual binary and the myth of heterosexual reproductive copulation do not work with anal, which challenges and questions its assumptions. […] In fact, although a centuries-old tradition, as we have seen, systematically identifies sodomy with penetration between men, the reality is that men and women can also penetrate each other anally in all possible combinations, and therefore in practice this distinction turns out to be untenable » write Javier Saez and Sejo Carrascosa in the book Son of a bitch! Anal politics (Les Grillages Editions).

Because in the gender roles taught for millennia, women are the penetrated, passive ones; penetrating and therefore active men. Indeed, for many heterosexual men (and sometimes for their partners), exploring prostate pleasure would mean a lack, or even a loss of virility.

“I had my first experiences very late because my friends at the time didn’t want to do it, they found it dirty, and they thought that men had to be virile, and that this practice would break the image they have of me” remembers Rémi, who discovered the anchoring via porn. Although he was able to meet interested partners to test this practice, for a long time he was afraid to talk about it to the women he met, thinking they would make fun of him. Even for women, being the one who penetrates can be difficult to approach in a heterosexual relationship.

So are we still at a turning point in terms of penetration? Books, podcasts, sex toys, specialized Instagram accounts: resources seem to be developing for heterosexual men to experience prostate pleasure. But it remains to be seen whether human society is ready to listen to their words… Without judging them.

Front page photo credit: Charles Deluvio/Unsplash

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