At best, we stop therapy when we see clear improvements and/or our therapist lets us stand on our own two feet. But what to do when the power doesn’t flow and Are you thinking about changing therapists?
How do we know if it’s the normal therapeutic process – not always terribly pleasant – that has us dragging our feet at every appointment, or if it’s your therapist, or the method he uses, that doesn’t suit you ?
For Émilie Garnier, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, they are essential questions “ that every patient must allow himself to question himself and that every psychologist must leave open to encourage the patient’s free appreciation. »
“ Without the feeling, the therapist may be competent, but nothing will happen. »
Karen Demange, psychologist
You don’t have the “feel”
As for a friendly or romantic relationship, everything is going pretty well with your therapist, but you feel something is wrong. Something is missing, you don’t feel 100% comfortable. to unpack your life on his couch.
Although it is normal to feel uncomfortable at the beginning of sessions venting and talking about the darkest corners of your soul for fear of being judged or doing “too much”, If this discomfort persists it is not necessarily a good sign.…
The overall goal of therapy is to feel heard, understood, and safe enough to communicate and begin the path to healing. Hard to do if your instincts are screaming at you to shut up or run away.
Karen Demange, psychologist specializing in eating disorders, explains the importance of this “feeling”:
“Without the feeling, the therapist may be competent, but nothing will happen. The patient will not necessarily be very open and/or receptive, he will not necessarily be happy to come to the session, he will not have the feeling of being listened to and supported. »
According to Émilie Garnier, the psychologist must be the mirror of his patient and of what happens outside him. “ This is how psychological monitoring can bring positive progress for a patient. “, he declares. If you don’t feel it, then move on.
“ Has my mood, my behavior changed positively since I saw him? »
Karen Demange
Questions to ask yourself
Still can’t decide if your psychologist is the right one? For Émilie Garnier, a patient must feel listened to and understood in his experiences so that a therapy works well. She continues:
“The patient must also be able to accept the psychologist’s feedback and hypotheses and be able to use them to process what he is experiencing, without suspicion. Free association is also fundamental: the patient must be able to share everything he thinks and feels, even negative, to his psychologist, and vice versa (this is the strength of work on transfer / countertransference). »
If this is not your case: bad news, you may have to think about ditching your psychologist! How do you really know? There are several signs:
- You don’t feel comfortable with your therapist
- You feel tired from the sessions and drag your feet to get there
- You have the impression that your psychologist just listens without offering you anything
- You feel like your psychologist doesn’t understand you
- You feel like you’re stagnating and make no progress
According to Karen Demange you can also ask yourself these questions: “ Do I feel listened to? I trust? Do I like coming to the session? Do the sessions make me ask myself new questions? Has my mood, my behavior changed positively since I saw him? Did I understand things? Do I have more confidence in myself and in the future? »
If you answered no to one or more of these questions. Ask yourself about the future of your “relationship” with your psychologist…
What should I do if my psychologist is not right for me?
“ Change therapist! » exclaims Karen Demange.
In theory, it seems pretty obvious. But in practice, you certainly did fear of offending your therapistyou may have grown fond of him/her or you don’t know what excuse to make.
One thing is for sure: Depending on the connection you make with your therapist, this “breakup” can be almost as sad as what we experience in a relationship. And just like in a romantic relationship, ghosting him is out of the question!
If you feel able to explain to your psychologist the reasons for your choice, do it! Whatever the reason that pushes you not to turn to a psychologist anymore, it’s better to discuss it with him/her and wait until you have found another therapist before doing so, so as not to end up with your hands hanging.
“I found another psychologist closer to home”, “I was recommended a psychologist/therapist who seems more suited to my problems”, “I can’t feel at home”, at ease during our sessions »…
Furthermore, you are not obliged to opt for a clean and radical breakup, you can also do that ask him to take a breakor space out the sessions, while you decide.
And if it’s easier for you to do so do it by email or telephone, Don’t deprive yourself. The important thing is to talk about it, because the feeling of tiredness or the impression of not making progress can also be related to your discomfort or derive from a symptom of the disorder for which you are being treated… And only a professional can determine this!
“It is important that the patient does not feel guilty, embarrassed or ashamed of not being able to feel at ease with the psychologist. »
Émilie Garnier, psychologist and psychotherapist
Don’t feel guilty or discouraged
It’s completely normal and It’s common to change therapists from time to time. There is nothing unusual about varying therapies throughout your life, some psychologists even recommend it. There is no shame or embarrassment to feel!
Émilie Garnier explains:
“ It is important that the patient does not feel guilty, embarrassed or ashamed of not being able to feel at ease with the psychologist.
It is a “therapeutic alliance” that must be built between the psychologist and his patient, so that the latter feels welcomed in a neutral and caring climate, a space of trust where he can freely express his painful feelings, without reservations or fears. of judgment. »
If this is not your first change or you are afraid of not finding the right shoe for you, it can be daunting… You probably feel like you’re starting from scratch by changing therapists, but that’s not the case. Every professional has their own way of working and Finding the right psychologist for you is never a waste of time.
Don’t be discouraged, and talk about it! Who knows, your future ex-psychiatrist might even refer you to one of his colleagues…
Photo credits: Cottonbro (Pexels)
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Source: Madmoizelle
Mary Crossley is an author at “The Fashion Vibes”. She is a seasoned journalist who is dedicated to delivering the latest news to her readers. With a keen sense of what’s important, Mary covers a wide range of topics, from politics to lifestyle and everything in between.
