Help, my boyfriend’s best friend doesn’t like me

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice, covered with a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to help a reader!

The question for La Daronne

Dear Daronne,

I have been in a relationship for two years with an amazing guy, we are super in love. We moved in together a year ago and are planning to get married and start a family (not very original, I know).

The only downside, even if it’s negative (you’ll tell me) is that I feel like his best friend doesn’t like me very much.

Let me tell you, my boyfriend has a childhood best friend. Both of them often see each other, playing sports and music together. The problem is that when we see each other in a group, or when he comes to the house, this best friend hardly takes me into account.

He never asks me questions about my life, barely answers mine, and generally acts like I’m not there. If I intervene in the conversation, he always finds a way to change the subject. What kills me is that I see him talking to other friends of friends about him and my boyfriend’s whole gang loves this guy, apparently so cute.

I told my boyfriend about it and he seemed very surprised. His best friend never made the slightest comment about me. That’s right, say hello, say hello and help in the kitchen. He never says a bad word and my boyfriend tries to reassure me: if he didn’t love me, he would have told him. But I see how he acts towards me and it bothers me, especially because my friends love my boyfriend.

So how do I make my best friend like me? Should I pop the abscess with him? Insist on my boyfriend?

Nasturtium

Daronne’s response

My little hedgehog,

In this letter you face one of the greatest human pains: being rejected by someone who should love us. Above all because, even if it is not logical, the more polite and respectful this someone is, the more this disavowal hurts.

First, it confirms her status as a decent individual (THUS WHY SHE DON’T LIKE US) and second, her true intentions are very difficult to prove.

Despite everything, deep down, I ask myself: is it really dramatic that you don’t particularly like a person who doesn’t seem willing to hurt you or compromise your relationship? Are we still obligated?S become friends with our partners’ friends? I don’t think so and I’ll tell you why.

Do you really want/need this person to like you?

Why do you absolutely want this man to show you sympathy, aside from the fact that he is friends with your partner? If you were to meet him under other circumstances, would you want to befriend him?

This is what I thought.

Let’s stop considering others as solely responsible for our personal failures: it’s very likely that deep down you don’t like it that much either. To the point of wondering what is so extraordinary about him.

I understand that your ego takes a hit, but never forget that our ego is not there to facilitate our daily social life and select decent friends for us. No, the exclusive role of our ego is to represent our inner child and to get depressed with him, even if this means making him adopt useless, even devastating behaviors.

Respect yourself, respect your loved one

Faced with this great injustice that is individual free will, everyone reacts as they can.

Some will not shy away from any extravagance to be appreciated, even if it means abandoning all notions of dignity. Tireless support, encouraging text messages, constant service… It’s always less painful to endure an eternity of free babysitting and moving than to simply be ignored.

Others will decide to live in a Netflix docuseries Bling Bling and turn this vaguely unpleasant social situation into a conflict whose violence would make even Vladimir Putin shudder. Arguments with the partner, emotional blackmail, cryptic alcoholic messages and, in any case, many behaviors that freely provide those around them with excellent reasons to disapprove of the partner, and this time openly.

Conclusion: In both cases, these reactions only guarantee exhaustion and perhaps deterioration of the bond with the partner. So what do we do?

What if he secretly loves you? (NO)

No, I’m just joking. Life isn’t really love and that’s a good thing. Although, if Andrew Lincoln wanted to ring my bell with his signs, I wouldn’t mind. Provided Daron isn’t there, or he doesn’t object… IN SHORT, this letter is not intended to silence the strange fantasies of a Daronne in the midst of life, drawn to friendly threesomes.

Where I was? OH YES ! Hate and love are far from the most common emotions in this world. At the top of the most widespread feelings, however, I would place cordial indifference. And even better, it’s a very cordial indifference.

Here, it allows everyone to experience a beautiful relationship with the man of their heart, without crushing their respective flowerbeds. Life is short, you know, don’t waste precious time trying to get this guy to finally like you. Just be grateful that your lover is lucky enough to have this precious friendship with a guy smart enough to keep his opinion a secret. This shows that he also wants his friend to be happy, and that’s all that matters.

So, when he is there, imitate him: friendly, but indifferent. You’ll see, it’s nice to no longer torture yourself and accept that you can’t please everyone.

I’m leaving you, I’m going to see my friends,

The kiss,

Your Daronne

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