Agostino, 25 years old: “I consider myself a misandre”

• First name : Augustine
• Age : 25 years old
• Occupation: Multimedia communications manager
• Place of life : Montréuil

How would you describe your relationship with feminism?

I would say that my relationship with feminism is daily. I deal with it every day through my work, through what I consume on social networks and through my reading. It is at the center of my conversations with my friends but also with the people I meet. And I think about things through a feminist prism because I’m a woman, and a lesbian at that.

Did you grow up in a feminist environment?

For nothing. My parents’ couple is a 1950s couple: my mother is a housewife, my father comes home from work at 10pm, puts his feet under the table and never irons a shirt.

One positive thing I remember, despite the mold I grew up in, is my mother’s relationship with her body. She never cared about being clean-shaven or perfectly made-up, telling me when I was a teenager that femininity isn’t just that. I think my sisters and I integrated that very early. None of us remove our hair, and we have an uninhibited relationship with our bodies, despite any inappropriate remarks our father may have made about us.

When did you first become a feminist?

I was in college. My little sister, a year younger than me, had purchased a number of Chat, on the freedom not to shave. That was our first encounter with feminism. From there I started watching videos of to miss and it clicked almost instantly. It’s not so much a process, but rather obvious.

All of this put into words things I didn’t know how to put into words. I would say, however, that while I stuck to it in theory, it took me a while to stick to it in practice. For example, putting kids in their place, stopping wearing bras or wearing makeup… those are things I implemented three or four years later.

For many years I thought I was straight. I compulsively consumed my relationships with men. I have been putting myself in danger since the age of 15. When I came out, I realized how violent the men had been to me. Even though I thought I had decision-making power at the time, I slept with grown men, who were aware of my vulnerability. This made me very angry and overnight I stopped having relationships with men. Today I consider myself to be misleading.

How does feminism permeate your life today?

All existences are political, including mine. Feminism permeates all my thoughts, influences the books I read, the films I see, the people I vote for, and my romantic and friendly relationships.

I studied modern literature at a university known for being very progressive. This has given me ecofeminist, decolonial, and intersectional analytical tools, which I apply to all the cultural content I consume.

Relationally, feminism has changed my relationship with others. I try to be empathetic, to never think for the other, but to ask them questions, to listen. I also learned to speak for myself, to position myself. As a child, I was profoundly shy, had a lot of trouble talking to people, and struggled to express my needs or set boundaries. Today this is no longer the case.

Have you let go of certain habits, undone certain beliefs, or set new boundaries?

I no longer force myself to finish books, films… If something bothers me, I stop watching or reading. I’m not saying that everything has to go right, I accept the debate, but I no longer want to do things that I consider violent towards myself.

My feminism also led me to question the notion of home and the model that had always been instilled in me: getting married, having children, living together… When I was younger, I already couldn’t imagine myself in these diagrams. I have no memory of myself, as a child, dreaming of a future together. My feminist awakening confirmed this.

How did your loved ones receive your decision? Is your feminism a source of friction around you?

As for my friends, no problem. The men in my family, however, regularly express their contempt for my ideas. According to my uncle, for example, if there are still inequalities between men and women it is because it is convenient for women. After all, if their mental load is too heavy and their salary too low, they can simply delegate and change jobs.

So I distanced myself from some of them.

Do you feel like you’ve reached the end of your feminist awakening?

No not at all. This lasts a lifetime, I have so many things to learn. The problem with intersectionality is that it never ends and fights for others too.

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