La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice, covered with a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to help a reader!
The question for Daronne
Dear Daronne,
One of my friends doesn’t like the way she looks and feels bad about herself. And it pains me to see her like this, but I don’t know how to help her. It must be said that her body has changed a lot, we got pregnant in the same period, and she has never regained her “before” physique. I find it even harder to reassure her on this topic since I’ve lost all my pregnancy pounds, so I don’t really feel justified or afraid to get the point across.
My friend plays sports, follows a fairly balanced diet and desperately wants not to go back to a healthy weight and a physique she likes. What can I do to help him feel better about himself?
Chubby kisses
Lyna
The answer for Daronne
My little 0% yogurt,
Do you know what I would like? Living in a society where our body would have the right to lead its own life without causing problems for anyone. Imagine a world where it would be normal for this body to evolve over time and adapt to the stages of our life. In such a world we would finally accept the plurality of metabolics and know that a thin body reveals absolutely nothing about the young mother’s state of mental and physical health.
Personally I believe that before we want to help our friends we must observe the way we behave on a daily basis.
Are you unintentionally part of the problem?
This subtitle is so provocative… I actually simply invite you to question your perception of other women, and other bodies in general. Have you ever made fun of someone’s appearance? Have you ever had prejudices based on appearance? Have you ever somehow appreciated thinness and certain types of beauty? Are you making this weight loss a goal? If so, I’m not judging you. We are all still there, or almost, but we are here to progress.
If you can repeatedly reaffirm to her that you find her beautiful, don’t invalidate her experience. Don’t tell her that her complexes are in her head, they are also around her. Don’t tell him we don’t care what she looks like either. It’s not true, I know it, you know it and she knows it too…
Your friend, and everyone who doesn’t fit social standards, don’t need girls who swear they are so sexy. They need friends who, in general, do not denigrate bodies and who celebrate their plurality. Don’t worry, with this temperature I have no intention of sending you running naked together in a meadow. I simply want you to burn this shitty world where women are encouraged to hate their bodies, even if they have just accomplished an important feat, with a flamethrower.
How can you help a friend feel better about themselves?
I hope with all my heart that your friend can find a body that suits her. However, it may take her some time, and it may never happen. In the long term, we will all lose the firmness and freshness of the past. And let’s not hide our faces: decrepitude often begins with entry into Daronnia. Your friend is not alone in her situation and she will be joined by all her peers who will gradually no longer correspond to the criteria of improbable beauty imposed by society.
We might as well not waste the decades we have left living in the fantasy of an era of so-called beauty in which the plump butt, which we regret today, seemed so ugly to us when we were in our 20s.
But how do we feel good in this body? We begin by allowing ourselves to live in the present moment, without punishing or depriving ourselves. Let’s not cry over M&MS anymore, because frankly that’s not the case. We allow ourselves to skip sports and take a nap instead when we’re tired, and that’s normal. In short, we leave each other alone and let ourselves live one day at a time, while the storm passes, even if that means consulting if the discomfort is too deep.
To be honest, I don’t know if there’s anything you can do to help your friend feel better about herself. I don’t even know if anyone can help him. Not even if it’s that serious.
Where you can intervene is by thinking about what I have already told you above and behaving like a listening and caring friend, without insistence or taboos, very simply.
Instead of taking yet another yoga or fitness class and exchanging Keto recipes (diet advice should only be given by professionals), share REALLY fun moments, so fun you don’t think about your body anymore. Skydiving, concert or Netflix marathon, it’s even more fun to occupy your rare kid-free moments than running on a treadmill.
Finally, I would like to point out that, in my personal observations, we would do well not to feel too much pity or condescension for this chubby, soft-stomached mama. Once she sleeps again and her offspring stops sucking her vital substances for food, she tends to make a cannonball comeback. Maybe she won’t have found her previous body, but in her eyes and in those of others there are no longer any doubts: what a bomb!
I leave you, I just bought a lycra suit, I would like to try it.
The kiss,
Your Daronne
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Source: Madmoizelle
Mary Crossley is an author at “The Fashion Vibes”. She is a seasoned journalist who is dedicated to delivering the latest news to her readers. With a keen sense of what’s important, Mary covers a wide range of topics, from politics to lifestyle and everything in between.
